‘United States’ Archives
Everyone except Microsoft grits teeth, welcomes Google Chrome web browser
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Lolcat, Tuesday (NNGadget) — Google has released its own Web browser, Chrome. "We absolutely promise that we only want to completely screw over Microsoft with this, and certainly not Mozilla Firefox," said Google's Sundar Pichai. "That we put a pile of our sponsored Mozilla developers on the project is completely irrelevant. [...]
Facebook: The Awful, Awful Movie in production
TEH INTARWEB, Silicone Valley, Friday (N! News) — Aaron Sorkin, creator of The West Wing, has been contracted to write an awful, awful movie about Facebook. "I can write funny and poignant television dramas and I can work a toaster," said Sorkin. "So I thought, 'how hard can this Internet thing be?'" Facebook: The Awful, Awful Movie will [...]
McCain picks George Bush as running mate
CONSERVAPEDIALITY, Minnesota, Friday (NNN) — John McCain, 72, has announced his Vice-Presidential candidate: George W. Bush. "We think George represents ... I'm sorry, it's not George. It's Sarah. And he's black! I'm sorry, he's female. Same thing." Bush, the governor of Alaska, is a former Miss Alaska, Vogue model and mayor of a suburb of [...]
Zombie Steve Jobs has system upgrade
THE TECH GRAVEYARD, Cupertino, Thursday (NNGadget) — Steve Jobs, visionary leader of Apple Computer, has died — and come back, better and stronger. The news was carried in an obituary run by Bloomberg late last night, which was pulled when news of his resurrection came through. "They don't call it the Jesus Phone for nothing," Jobs [...]
Intel demonstrates wireless power for the home
INTEL CASTLE, Transylvania, Friday (NNGadget) — A future without batteries — no need to charge phones or MP3 players, or even electric cars. No lost phone chargers, no running out of power sockets. Intel chief technology officer Justin Rattner demonstrated a Wireless Energy Resonant Link as he spoke at the annual Intel developers forum [...]
Why Obama has to get mad for us to win
PHONING IT IN, The Beach, mid-afternoon (NNN) — With the vice-presidential buzz and the Democratic convention just days away, what's most important is what Barack Obama's campaign does afterwards. Quite simply, he needs to create a more compelling narrative on change and get angry about something. Our ratings depend on it. It's August, [...]
Microsoft enlists Bob Hope for Vista ad campaign
MORDOR, Redmond, Thursday (NNGadget) — Microsoft (NASDAQ: MNPLY) has hired comedian Bob Hope to anchor a $300 million advertising campaign for its struggling Windows Vista franchise. The software maker is desperate to counter popular Apple ads that personify PCs as un-“hep" and not "with it," while portraying Apple's Macintosh as the [...]
McCain accused of plagiarising Wikipedia for Georgia speech
TEH INTARWEB, Lolcat, Sunday (NNN) — The originality of a John McCain speech about Georgia has been placed in further doubt after it was found to bear strong similarities to Wikipedia articles on the former Soviet republic. Congressional Quarterly found that two passages from a speech on August 11th were almost identical to Wikipedia, while [...]
Internet memeticists find Bigfoot: “Ya rly”
ATLANTA, South Ossetia, Friday (NNN) — Intarweb 2.0 clickapreneurs Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer have found the corpse of Bigfoot, the famed Sasquatch of the Appalachian Caucasus. They announced the find on blue-chip Internet news sites Fark, Something Awful and 4chan. "We are merely humble hikers who happened across incredible find! We [...]
