‘Europe’ Archives
European Union renamed “Greater Belgium”
BRUSSELS, Belgian Empire, Thursday (NNN) — The Imperial Belgian Regime has concluded the first stage of its revival with the coronation of Herman van Rompuy as Imperator and Father of All Europe. "I shall bring to you all unbounded prosperity and joy in life," said Emperor Herman, "in appropriate moderation and with due attention to [...]
Chocolate reduces chocolate manufacturers’ stress
VEVEY, Suisse, Friday (NNN) — A small bar of dark chocolate a day helps keep stress at bay, say researchers at Nestlé, particularly the stress of chocolate manufacturers looking at sales figures. Chocolate cuts levels of stress hormones and supplies valuable income that the company can further apply to killing Third World babies and [...]
Hitler apologises for MP analogy e-mail
DAS BUNKER, Westminster, Monday — Adolf Hitler has apologised for any "upset" caused by a "clumsily" worded e-mail, comparing his treatment to that of MPs over their expenses. Mr Hitler, the Chancellor of Germany, made the apology after Roosevelt and Churchill had pointed out that comparing himself to David Wilshire, Tory MP for Spelthorne, [...]
Microsoft surrenders Windows perpetrators on television
KARADZIC, Seattle, Tuesday (NNN) — Microsoft has commenced its "Windows 7 Was My Idea" campaign, a series of TV advertisements required of it after its conviction in the International Computer Criminal Court in the Hague for crimes against productivity, office workers and the human brain. The advertisements feature the software developers and [...]
Row as Daniel Hannan praises Hitler
THE MEMORY HOLE, Wolverhampton South West, Thursday (NNN) — Labour has criticised Tory MEP Daniel Hannan for citing Adolf Hitler in an interview. Mr Hannan told Randroid magazine that the 1930s German chancellor understood "the importance of a really good motorway." He later told the BBC he was a "libertarian" on immigration, but was fully [...]
Sony unveils less huge PlayStation 3
GAMESCOM, Ichiyaga Camp, Tuesday (NNGadget) — Sony is releasing the new PlayStation 3 Slim across Europe in early September, in the hope that anyone will remember the PS3 still exists. The new light-weight version is two-thirds of the size and weight, only requiring a single, much smaller, extra room built onto your house, fitted with [...]
Green landslide in Euro elections
BOLGIAS 8 AND 9, Brussels, Wednesday — Given the choice of thieves and/or liars, neo-Nazis, palaeo-Nazis and plain gibbering nutters, those voters who bothered with the 2009 European Parliament elections rather than staying home to work on their taste for White Lightning have reluctantly and with great pain chosen the Greens as the [...]
Our boy Murray shows Johnny Foreigner “what-for” at French Open
EUROTRASH, Antoine de Caunes, Tuesday (NNN) — The great Scottish British English tennis ace Andy Murray stunned observers with his brilliant moral victory over the Spaniard Chilean Fernando González at the French Open in Roland Garres on Tuesday afternoon, showing these people-who-begin-at-Calais what-for and romping home with one [...]
Major Christian Party push for European Parliament
INTERNATIONAL FRONT, Little Britain, 4th June (NNN) — The forthcoming European Parliament elections have been shaken up by the push from the Christian Party, with their simple and direct platform: "Never mind who we are, what we plan or who our backers are — we're not the BNP!" British National Party supporters have been keen to post [...]
Sound copyright extended into perpetuity
TALKIN' ABOUT, Degeneration, Thursday (NNME) — With the conviction of The Pirate Bay administrators having immediately abolished all filesharing, the EU has approved an extension of sound copyright to seventy years past the point of theoretical death, and death to seventy years past actual death. The media industry sponsored move is [...]
