‘United Kingdom’ Archives
UK economy comes to a complete halt; everyone gives up and goes home
CANTBEARSED, East Cheam, Friday (NNN) — UK economic growth ground to a halt between April and June, according to official statistics. Economic activity has ceased, with nothing being bought or sold. No-one has shown up to work in the last two weeks. Tube stations have been buried under uncollected copies of Metro. The populace have given up [...]
Gary Glitter deported from Solar System
LOOK, Up in the Skirt, Wednesday (NNN) — Lunar immigration officials have given Gary Glitter a deadline to leave the Moon by 2am local time or face being locked up in the Sea of Tranquility's notorious Immigration Detention Centre, where illegal aliens are kept 40 to a room. The former pop star, real name Paul Gadd, went to the satellite [...]
Labour selects sock with eyes as new leader
THE GREAT STENCH, Whitehall, Tuesday (NNN) — The Labour Party has elected a sock with eyes as its leader and the new Prime Minister. The sock is a size 6-10 cotton-blend Argyle, with stick-on googly eyes from a local craft shop and a penny for a nose. The sock follows a succession of failed candidates in the top job in the wake of Tony [...]
Drug firms deny pricing for profit
NASTIE, Nice, Monday (NNN) — The Association of the British Pharmaceutical Industry (ABPI) has poured scorn on Prof Sir Michael Rawlins of the National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE) after he accused them of profiteering on drugs. "I am shocked, shocked — oh, my cheque? Thank you! — at the notion they could be [...]
Prince ‘must prove anti-GM claim’
THE LAB, Transylvania, Saturday (NotScientist) — Prince Charles must prove his claim that GM crops could cause a global environmental disaster, Environment Minister Phil Woolas has challenged. Mr Woolas said it was the government's "moral responsibility" to investigate whether genetically modified crops, fully owned and patented to the [...]
Fathers 4 Justice shuts M25 motorway
JUNCTION 14, M25 Satanic Sigil, Friday (NNN) — Drivers are still enduring long queues several hours after a Fathers 4 Justice protest forced the closure of four lanes on the M25. Campaigner Geoff Hibbert, dressed in a superhero costume, used a ladder to climb onto a gantry above the motorway between junctions 14 and 15. "I will try and [...]
