‘Science’ Archives
Minister praises high standard of science journalism
WELL I NEVER, Do-As-You-Please, Wednesday (NotScientist) — The minister for science and innovation, Lord Paul Drayson, has praised the high standards of science journalism at the sixth World Conference of Science Journalists in London yesterday. About 900 delegates attended the conference to congratulate each other on the remarkable quality [...]
Sceptics defeat homeopathy with homeopathic homeopathy
CRYSTAL CAULDRON, Surrey, Monday (NotScientist) — In a revolution for the forces of allopathic hatred and the negation of human spiritual potential, a strike force of rogue sceptics has, using the funding of their pharmaceutical death-dealer masters, negated homeopathy with the proving of a new remedy: homeopathic homeopathy. The [...]
Fielding annoyed by “scientists” disagreeing with him
THE END TIMES, Canberra, one hundred light-years behind (NotScientist) — A two-hour meeting with Australia's Chief Scientist Penny Sackett has failed to convince Family First Senator Steven Fielding that human activity is the main cause of climate change. Senator Fielding also expressed scepticism concerning chemistry, physics, evolution [...]
Furry dinosaurs discovered
VIVISECTOR, Furtopia, Thursday (NotScientist) — A small dinosaur that once roamed northeastern China was covered with a stiff, hairlike fuzz, which suggests that anthropomorphic perversion evolved much earlier than thought — even before the Internet. Scientists had previously identified kitten ears and fake whiskers on otherwise-cute [...]
50% of Britons don’t believe in evolution, and it doesn’t believe in them
DO-AS-YOU-PLEASE, Faraway Tree, Sunday (NNN) — Half of British adults do not believe in evolution, with at least 22% preferring the theories of creationism or intelligent design and 10% believing in young Earth creationism, according to a survey by religious thinktank Theos. Coincidentally, 35% of these respondents were found to have [...]
Baby born without “journalism” gene
KALLIKAK, Gattaca, Friday (NotScientist) — The first British baby designed to be free of the "journalism" gene has been born. The breakthrough gives hope to other parents afflicted by the condition, often running in families. "It will be mere seconds before blond-haired, blue-eyed Aryan clones genetically engineered with hyperintelligence [...]
Twenty-first century arrives after slight delay
FEDERATED EARTH, The Future, Now (NNGadget) — After a minor shipping delay, flying cars have arrived for all. As of today, all major cities also feature moving pavements and weather control and commuter flights to the Moon will be commencing tomorrow. Earth President-Elect Barack Obama welcomed the representatives of the Galactic [...]
Scientists confirm: normal people still Nazis at heart
SHOPPINGLAND, Consumerville, Friday (NotScientist) — US researchers have repeated the famous "Milgram test," with volunteers told to electrocute another volunteer, and discovered that normal, everyday people just like you and your neighbours would still make pretty good Nazis in a pinch. Dr Jerry Burger found that even after the other [...]
Television essential to mental well-being
CHANNEL 5, Wapping, Friday (NNN) — New findings printed today in all papers and broadcast on ITV, Channel 4 and Channel 5 reveal that television is "virtually a mental vitamin" for intelligence and emotional well-being. In addition, it helps treat arrhythmia, psoriasis, tooth decay, distemper, dropsy, haemorrhoids and impotence, and lets you [...]
Man is to blame for Antarctic temperature rise
NOME TROPICANA, Drinks Are Free, Long Hot Summer (NotScientist) — Scientists say they now have conclusive proof that global warming is due to man's influence. The man in question is Bob Mongler, 77 (IQ), of East Cheam. Rapid and significant warming in both the Antarctic and Arctic can only have been caused by Bob's influence, says the [...]
