‘Media’ Archives
Your super soaraway NewsTechnica cut-out-and-paste election guide!
Reasons to vote Conservative: Replacing public services with volunteers and churches is necessary to inspire a new Charles Dickens. Reasons to vote Labour: Top-down central planning of society works and is effective. Reasons to vote Liberal Democrat: Everyone is middle-class now, they just don't know it yet. Reasons to vote Green: Science [...]
Nick Clegg dossier reveals his Martian roots
DAS BUNKER, Whopping, Tuesday (MSBBC) — Your Super Soaraway SUN has found the blueprint for Nick Clegg's top-secret TV debate strategy in the back of a CAB, revealing he is a MARTIAN INVADER. It reveals the Lib Dem leader STOLE DNA from David Cameron to DUPLICATE his style and cover Britain in a ROBOT ARMY OF CLEGGS, with BlackBerrys to [...]
Wacky journalistic scamps amuse all
EVERY DAY IS LIKE FRIDAY, The Pub, Thursday (NTN) — Journalists across Britain and the world excelled themselves with initially-plausible but unbelievable spoof stories today, including ones where Gordon Brown was prime minister. The hilarious tales of improbable mirth have included all manner of jocular punchlines: "The Tories are [...]
BBC Trust happy to leave Mark Thompson twisting in the wind
WREATH NETWORK, Television Outskirts, Wednesday (MSBBC) — BBC Trust chairman Sir Michael Lyons has said "public concern" over 6 Music and the Asian Network may give the Trust a golden opportunity to throw director general Mark Thompson under a bus. Plans to close the stations, available via download, DAB Radio, tooth fillings, necromancy [...]
Daily Mail causes, cures cancer
GOLDACRE, Moron Piers, Thursday (NTN) — Taking the Daily Mail once a day, one million times the dose recommended by sensible physicians, will both induce and clear up cancer, a groundbreaking study by the Press Complaints Council has shown. The latest dramatic results came from a 30-year project tracking the health of 2.2 million [...]
Twitter users urged to stay calm during Fry drought
DAILY SMSGRAPH, King's Lynn, Saturday (NTN) — The international press has urged Twitter users to "keep calm and carry on" during Stephen Fry's break from the service to write his autobiography. The 52-year-old author, television presenter, wit, bon vivant, cheese board, Swiss army knife, well-stocked cellar and ineffable genius's break [...]
Microsoft in exclusive search-engine deal with Murdoch
PIONEER SQUARE, Seattle, Monday (Mediocre Grauniad) — Microsoft is discussing paying News Corporation for the media company to remove its websites from Google and have them exclusively searchable via Microsoft Bob Hope, setting the scene for a search engine battle that could offer a ray of light to the newspaper industry, which has yet to [...]
Murdoch announces plan to cut off nose
AUSTRALIAN GLADIATORS, Sky None, Monday (Mediocre Grauniad) — In an exclusive interview with one of his employees, Rupert Murdoch announced that it was time to draw a line in the sand in his constant battle to frustrate freeloading consumers by scheduling extensive rhinoplasty. As the logical extension of his intent to improve monetization [...]
BAN THIS SICK FACEFILTH
PAGE 3, Wapping, Saturday (Mediocre Grauniad) — Your Super Soaraway Sun! comes out today against DISGRACEBOOK, the vile "social networking" system used by perverts, murderers, paedos, Catholic priests, Guardian readers, Labour ministers and other SICK FILTH. Your Sun has mounted a FULL INVESTIGATION into the Facebook DEN OF INIQUITY, with [...]
Julie Bindel: Trannies nicked my paper on the Tube
DERAIL REPLACEMENT BUS, Tranniesport for London, Thursday (Mediocre Grauniad) — I love travelling on the tube. Where women are women, men are refuse and transsexuals don't offend me with their alleged existence. But since the advent of free papers such as Metro, it feels like my reading material isn't my own. Trannies keep nicking my [...]
