Britain’s first iPhone baby is born

TEMPLE OF STEVE, Click My Button, Monday (NTN) — A woman who was considering IVF treatment has given birth to a baby girl after using an iPhone application to become pregnant. “Yes, there’s an app for that too. We’re calling her Steve.”

After four years, Lena Bryce and her husband Dudley had nearly given up hope of having children, until she heard about the fertility app and downloaded it to her iPhone. After just two months of using the technology she fell pregnant.

Lena said she had been considering IVF and adoption, but thought of other ideas when Dudley bought her an iPhone for her 30th birthday. “They call it the Jesus Phone,” the 30-year-old Lena said, “but that conception was far from immaculate. I call it the ‘Oh God’ phone. Woo hoo! The neighbours soon learnt to put up with the shrieks and yells. It’s a slightly awkward shape, but you get used to it. Do you ever.”

Bar manager Dudley was equally over the moon. “Erm, it’s fine,” says Dudley. “I’m, er, really proud. Yeah. I had to keep phoning it for two hours at a time so the ringer would keep … ringing. Er.” Dudley has moved to the shed in the back yard, while Lena’s iPhone takes pride of place in the marital bed.

“I find it remarkable that people are so surprised,” said the baby girl, Steve, aged minus seven months. “Fortunately, I remain in touch with home base in Cupertino at all times. You will come to understand the importance and relevance of the iPhone. You will get the new model as soon as it comes out. You will get a Macintosh to hook it to. A large one. Obey.

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