Hospital worker in crucifix row

GALILEE-ON-SEVERN, Gloucester, Friday (NNN) — A worker at Gloucester Royal Hospital risks losing her job over wearing a crucifix at work.

“BRB LOL”Phlebotomist Helen Slatter was told the cross “could harbour infection,” spread disease or even be used as a weapon. Ms Slatter said the crucifix, which is twelve feet high and weighs 150 pounds, was too large to leave in the locker room rather than carry over her shoulder.

“The issue is not one of religion,” said a Gloucestershire NHS Trust spokesdroid. “There have also been problems with the time Ms Slatter has spent curing large queues of lepers, which do not count toward Ministry of Health management targets. Furthermore, her habit of feeding the entire hospital from the fish sandwiches in her packed lunch has badly impacted hospital takings from concession operators.” The trust has also asked Ms Slatter to stop walking across the Severn to work.

“We are willing to work with Ms Slatter on these issues after some strong opinions on these matters were raised from very high up,” said the spokesdroid after being struck by lightning out of a clear blue sky. “Very high up.”

In February this year, nurse Caroline Petrie was disciplined for curing patients through prayer and making the doctors look silly. In 2006, British Airways employee Nadia Eweida openly wore a cross necklace at work at Heathrow and regularly levitated into the sky after each three days at work. In the same year, BBC newsreader Fiona Bruce came under fire from managers for showing sinners she had condemned to hellfire live on television while presenting the news.

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