Tories head downmarket

T’MILL, Westminster, Friday (NNN) — David Cameron has announced a shadow cabinet reshuffle to enhance the Tories’ working class credibility.

Soviet Tory propaganda“Everything old is old again,” said Mr Cameron. William Hague has been reinstalled as the reserve Dave, Ken Clarke has been brought back to be snide at Gordon Brown and John Major will reprise his role as the nerdy little goit who got his head flushed every lunchtime. George Osborne has been sent off for de-elocution lessons. “’Appen,” said Mr Osborne.

“Labour’s a bunch of middle-class wankers tryin’ to administer everyone,” said David ‘Nosher’ Davis. “The Tories respect the povs’ intelligence and intrinsic street-smarts, and know how to go up to them and say, ‘yo, blud, I’m an avaricious self-centred materialist like you, bro’.’ Some of our best Tory leaders ’ave come from the estates. Er, don’t tell Dave I said that, okay.”

Eric Pickles, the cartoonish fat working-class businessman parachuted in as Party chair, concurred. “It’s necessary to turning the misdirected energy of the youth to good account. We need a real commitment to tackling the causes of crime, and to teach young people how to commit only decent businessman-like corner-cutting of greater plausible deniability.”

“I’d like to state my firm support for this initiative,” said London mayor Boris Johnson. “What ho, gosh darn those wack Nu-Labour sucka MCs, chaps. My Brompton weighs a ton.”

Get daily email alerts of new NewsTechnica!

3 thoughts on “Tories head downmarket”

  1. I would not be surprised if this were actually real, and in fact copy-pasted from the Daily Mirror.

    What will those crazy Tories think of next, eh? Oh, that’s right – the opposite of what Labour think of.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.