Yet another Windows virus devastates millions of complacent idiots

CONTINUE TO SHOP, Avoid Panic Buying, Friday (NNGadget) — A computer worm that spreads through low security networks, memory sticks, and PCs without the latest security updates is posing a growing threat to users blitheringly stupid enough to still think Windows is not ridiculously and unfixably insecure by design.

BTI Explosive Breaching Free-Standing DoorDespite many years’ warnings that Microsoft regards security as a marketing problem and has only ever done the absolute minimum it can get away with, millions of users who click on any rubbish they see in the hope of pictures of female tennis stars having wardrobe malfunctions still fail to believe that taking Windows out on the Internet is like standing bent over in the street in downtown Gomorrah, naked, arse greased up and carrying a flashing neon sign saying “COME AND GET IT.”

Microsoft cannot believe people have not applied the patch for the problem, just because they keep trying to use Windows Genuine Advantage to break legally-bought systems. “Don’t they trust us?” asked marketing marketer Steve Ballmer.

Millions of smug Mac users and the four hundred smug Linux users pointed and laughed, having long given up trying to convince their Windows-using friends to see sense. “There’s a reason the Unix system on Mac OS X is called Darwin,” said appallingly smug Mac user Arty Phagge.

“It can’t be stupid if everyone else runs it,” said Windows user Joe Beleaguered, who had lost all his email, business files, MP3s and porn again. “Macs cost more than Windows PCs.”

“Yes,” said Phagge. “Yes, they do.”

Ubuntu Linux developer Hiram Nerdboy frantically tried to get our attention about something or other, but we can’t say we care.

4 thoughts on “Yet another Windows virus devastates millions of complacent idiots”

  1. Right you are. But, why has Windows 7 been dubbed the “Linux killer” and not the “Mac OS X killer”? Is it possible that me and my 399 other buddies really do present a threat to Microsoft?

  2. I’m still waiting for Macs to become more popular so we’ll see more articles like this:

    I’ve told Mac users for years that the reason Macs aren’t attacked more is that it’s not worth it simply because there aren’t enough of them to justify the effort, and that once there were, you’d start seeing more virus and hacking incidents.

    If they can hack the Pentagon, they can hack your Mac.

    Mac users better hope they stay in their smug minority, or they’re going to get a rude awakening.

  3. @Richard – as Hiram Nerdboy found out, the word “Linux” is as the buzzing of flies to such elevated beings as the press.

    @csc5502 – That’s the numbers fallacy. (Apache is the most popular web server, and Microsoft IIS still gets hacked more. Mac OS X has quite enough clueless users to be a prize worth hacking.) Windows is a skanky ho’. It really is significantly qualitatively more insecure and unsecurable by a long shot.

    It also helps that Apple doesn’t deliberately try to disable your computer with a claimed “security” update like WGA. (They do it accidentally often enough, of course.)

    (I’m writing this from a friend’s Windows box I spent last night attempting to somewhat secure …)

    What I expect is a Linux distro of some cluelessness (e.g. running everything as root) to achieve popularity. Or, worse, Linux users to discover that Wine is a good enough Windows emulation to run viruses.

  4. As a general response to the article, I’ve talked to people that package Apple’s software for MacOS, and high-ups at Microsoft. Ubuntu Linux (and even Debian) is years ahead of the competition as far as updates are concerned, since there is one button to update all apps, they’ve automatically check for software compatibility at each operating system release, and (of course), they automatically audit the source code of the software they distribute. Apple doesn’t seem to understand this (or maybe they just don’t care). Microsoft would probably like to do this, but cannot put themselves in the middle of third party software distribution channels. If they tried, the anti-trust people would eat them alive. Hope this clarifies things a bit.

    @Chris I’m typing this on a sub-$300 dual core 64-bit x86 2.1 GHz desktop PC w/ 3GB of RAM and an NVidia card. It came with Vista, which is better than XP for me (though I’m running Ubuntu because I’m not a masochist). I bought it new. Not counting my old monitor, it draws 22 watts and runs silent. It’s a small form factor PC (easily hidden behind a LCD; I’m using it as a monitor stand). My laptop (ASUS 1000HE) cost $380 new, though I could have done better (with an MSI Wind U1xx for $350). Mac laptops are too bulky, run too hot and with too little battery life for my taste. Price is not the main issue for me; my $2200 lenovo tablet has exactly the same problems. Also, I occasionally fix my friends’ copies of macos when they break. I still haven’t figured out the friggin’ window manager. Is it some sort of “in-crowd” joke I don’t understand?!? Anyway, Macs are expensive, and not for everyone. Really. Sorry.

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