TEH INTARWEB, Silicone Valley, Friday (N! News) — Aaron Sorkin, creator of The West Wing, has been contracted to write an awful, awful movie about Facebook.

“I can write funny and poignant television dramas and I can work a toaster,” said Sorkin. “So I thought, ‘how hard can this Internet thing be?'”

Facebook: The Awful, Awful Movie will tell the story of how Mark Zuckerberg invented binary digits as a toddler and the web browser in his Harvard dorm in 2004, and how every single person in the world joined up by 2007 to play Scrabulous Wordscraper. The planned sequel, to be filmed simultaneously, tells how Facebook solves conflict in the Middle East, cures breast cancer and, in Soviet Russia, pokes you.

Stars tipped for the film include Ben Stein as the history teacher with a heart of gold, Will Ferrell as the porn star with a heart of gold, Lindsay Lohan as the Myspace convert with a heart of gold, Keanu Reeves as the Wikipedia administrator with a heart of gold, Jessica Simpson as the idiot from high school who still sends you vampire invitations every week with a heart of gold and Adam Sandler as the Presidential nominee with a heart of gold. Uwe Boll will direct as the director with an ear of tin.

Facebook: The Awful, Awful Movie will be released direct to YouTube in late 2009 and no longer be available shortly after.

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