CONSERVAPEDIALITY, Minnesota, Friday (NNN) — John McCain, 72, has announced his Vice-Presidential candidate: George W. Bush.

“We think George represents … I’m sorry, it’s not George. It’s Sarah. And he’s black! I’m sorry, he’s female. Same thing.”

Bush, the governor of Alaska, is a former Miss Alaska, Vogue model and mayor of a suburb of Anchorage, and a firm believer in creationism, the global warming conspiracy, compulsory heterosexual marriage and the right to life only up to birth. “I firmly believe Sarah W. Bush is the most qualified person to be a heart attack away from the presidency,” said Mr McCain. “What is it exactly that the V.P. does all day?” giggled Sarah.

“It’s clear you should vote Republican, especially all you little ladies, because my vice-president shoots moose, rassles b’ars and has great legs and really cute tits. And doesn’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you … I’m sorry, he does plaster on the makeup like a trollop. Tits, though. All the evangelical Hilary fans should vote for tits. Black ones. I’m John McCain.”

Get daily email alerts of new NewsTechnica!