Zombie Steve Jobs has system upgrade

THE TECH GRAVEYARD, Cupertino, Thursday (NNGadget) — Steve Jobs, visionary leader of Apple Computer, has died — and come back, better and stronger.

Robosteve vs BillzillaThe news was carried in an obituary run by Bloomberg late last night, which was pulled when news of his resurrection came through.

“They don’t call it the Jesus Phone for nothing,” Jobs laughed with reporters, before eating their tasty, tasty brains.

Jobs’ new cyborg arsenal includes wifi, 3G, laser cannons, a flame thrower and a can opener, all running on Mac OS X Robosteve. Bundled applications include an enhanced hypnotic force field based on the one he uses at MacWorld keynotes. “I can’t wait to try it on Bill,” he said.

Disney, in which Jobs is the single largest shareholder, remained unaffected. “Steve’s just working with the way we do things here,” said the disembodied computer-hosted soul of Walt Disney, who was decanted to a computer in 1966 to avoid being declared legally dead, so that copyright in his works would never, ever run out.

7 thoughts on “Zombie Steve Jobs has system upgrade”

  1. I’m not sure he needs to actually believe in reincarnation to get reincarnated, if things work that way. I mean, I don’t need to actually believe the sun is going to come up tomorrow morning, do I?

  2. Steve Jobs is the distilled essence of Hubris. But damn, OS X is a fine piece of work and it’s only getting better.

    This is an admission crowbarred out of the gritted teeth of a XP and Linux user. I never thought I’d say this, but my next machine will be a Mac…

  3. I hope Bill realizes that’s the case for everybody, not just Steve Jobs. Only in the case of gruesome deaths of children are more people affected (in general).

  4. Bill: Have you seen how much the Apple stock drops everytime there’s a rumor of his death? I think more than 14 people own that stock.

    How many people will care when you die?

  5. Bill: have you seen how much Windows Vista sales have increased since you did those stupid ads with Jerry Seinfeld?

    Nobody cares and everybody wants to stop using your crappy products.

    P.S.: your ass is huge.

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