PARLIAMENT OF SLIGHTLY BRUISED DREAMS, Westminster, Tuesday (NTN) — The Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, has followed up his spectacular success in the alternative vote referendum with exciting reforms for the House of Lords that no-one will care about either.

The plan involves 300 members, 80% of whom are elected in a process involving, remarkably enough, an alternative vote, with the first vote to take place in 2015.

Mr Clegg presented his plan in such a manner as to alienate even those MPs who already thought Lords reform was a good idea, while David Cameron stood back and maintained a fixed smile of slight embarrassment for his colleague. A number of MPs, seeing their own prospects for a peerage fade away, suggested the proposal be put to death by referendum.

“All three parties backed Lords reform in their manifestos,” he said with a frustrated whine, as if manifestos had anything to do with what parties did once elected.

Mr Clegg showed some exasperation at his colleagues, and at the voters for not being educated and informed enough to care about how logical his plans were in the face of minor inconveniences such as a completely fucked economy occupying their attention.