Facebook shocked, shocked at privacy problems

SOULS 5¢, Cyberspice, Tuesday (NTN) — Facebook staff have been amazed to discover that when Facebook passes users’ complete details to application developers and advertisers, some of the partner companies might accidentally let slip the information in some manner.

Abort the fetus and win a Playstation 3!“We are appalled at this information leak,” said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg as he took a break from his personal RSS feed of drunk women’s tits posted to his service. “But I can assure you that we have sternly suggested to everyone involved that they take somewhat greater care not to get caught, and maintain a serious demeanor when rolling around in the great big pit filled with money in their basement.”

“I’m horrified and outraged,” said office worker Brenda Busybody, 43 (IQ), “that stuff I put on the Internet is on the Internet. It violates everything I expect. I want privacy when I’m calling my boss a useless fuckstick to the entire world, all my coworkers and my boss himself. And when I’m playing a bit of FarmVille before we nick off down the pub.”

Privacy advocates are working on Diaspora, a security-enhanced social network so far populated by Linux users who cryptographically sign every update about which episode of Babylon 5 they just finished watching alone in their parents’ basement. “START GPG KEY BLOCK!” said open source software advocate Hiram Nerdboy, 17. “WE WILL PROTECT YOUR FREEDOMS!” The next version of Diaspora will allow users to list more than three friends, should there be any demand whatsoever for such a feature.

Facebook works on the now-standard “Web 2.0” business model: 1. Brutally sodomise the personal privacy of anyone who comes within a mile of your service and say “hey baby, I’m sorry” every time you’re busted. 2. Sell ads.

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