HIGH SOCIETY, Skid Row, Friday (NTN) — British house prices are set to go up, go down or possibly stay the same, according to relieved Daily Mail journalists looking for something to fill space with.

A quarterly survey of 27 analysts showed house prices would probably do something that could be turned into copy, with editors dusting off the Microsoft Word macros they used to generate half the paper in 2007.

Analysts still believe newspaper space is overvalued and the forecasts are a far cry from the double-digit page area percentages seen in the boom years, but they will provide some relief to editors who saw thousands wiped from their real estate advertising income.

“We are not currently predicting a double dip,” said editor Paul Dacre, “but we should be able to ease up on the stories about immigrants and celebrities, only having to repeat them every third day instead of every other day.”

Mr Dacre stressed the importance of such news coverage to society and the nation. “With the thicker papers, you could more easily build a little house to live in next to your park bench.”