BOLGIAS 8 AND 9, Seattle, Wednesday (NNN) — Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer played down the news of Google’s new Chrome OS, designed to outdo Microsoft in quickly and efficiently boiling babies on netbooks.
“Yo Sergey,” shouted Ballmer, “I’mma really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Windows 7 is one of the best baby roasters of all time.” He slowly and lumberingly rolled a seven-foot-tall baby boiler with a Windows logo on the side onto the stage. “One of the best baby roasters of all time!”
Early paid press coverage for Windows 7 lauded its theoretical likelihood of boiling babies in the near future, as compared to the effects of Vista, which left many of the babies with frostbite. “But we are fully confident that with Windows 7, we can get the baby up to 90, 100 degrees every time!” The fine print on the benchmark results revealed these figures were Fahrenheit, not Celsius.
Microsoft’s derision of Chrome OS as unimportant follows Microsoft’s derision of the iPhone, the iPod, Google Search, the Chrome browser, Mozilla Firefox and Linux and any other competitor that’s ended up kicking their lazy fat asses. “With Windows 7™, Microsoft’s baby boiling operations will leave that Jobs asshole in the dust. In the dust!”
Steve Jobs snorted in derision at his rival’s pathetic attempts to do something useful, before revealing Apple’s new iBoil™, which fits in your pocket and will lightly sautee the baby with a bechamel sauce and garnish.
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