SKANKIES, Dependençia, Friday (NNN) — Rachel Christie, 21, winner of the Miss England beauty pageant, has had to retire from the title after a defeat in a nightclub brawl with Miss Manchester, Sara Jones, 24.
Miss Christie displayed the skills that led to her being crowned the queen of English womanhood and a suitable role-model for the flower of British youth by getting into a public nightclub punch-up with Miss Jones over “what that facking slut done with my boyfriend,” David McIntosh, a slab of beefcake famous for beating up other beefcake on Sky.
Miss Christie had made an excellent showing in the contest in the Vicious Catfight With Sharpened Heel contest, with the judges being particularly impressed with her underarm swing. Miss Jones had done surprisingly well in the contest with the Puking In Handbag After Ill-Considered 4am Kebab section, as well as the Falling Unconscious In A Skip round. Miss Christie was reportedly upset over Miss Jones’ “ten out of ten” showing in the Dangerously Psychotic Arsehole Bitch section after Miss Jones had broken into Mr McIntosh’s house and scrawled “SLAG” on the mirror in Miss Christie’s makeup.
Miss Christie has been replaced as Miss England by the runner-up, Lance Corporal Katrina “Combat Barbie” Hodge, 22, who says she knows better than to enter any Manchester nightclub without a rocket launcher. She also finds that people, male or female, are very polite and nice to her in pretty much all circumstances.
“Rachel will now concentrate on training for the 2012 Olympics,” her public relations people said today, “where she hopes for gold in the Case Of Alcopops Relay and the Shagging That Cow’s Boyfriend Herpathlon.”
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4 thoughts on “Miss England sent off field due to injury”
your information is totally incorrect and you state that miss manchester broke into tornados apartment is utter rubbish and slanderous.tornado did not say that?I have read this so called story and I know that when the truth comes out it will be a shocker.I happen to know that tornado likes more than one girl on the go at one time but forgets to let the other one know.there were actually more than these girls involved.miss manchester is well out of it.I smell a suing
@garison – I found it hard to outdo the original report, but I think you’ve managed it. I am absolutely certain you think you’ve made your heroine look better.
I agree with garrison that this story is untrue.There are no heroines in this story so I dont understand david gerards comment perhaps he is trying to protect his own himself seeing as the report is incorrect.Two nice young girls that do a lot for charity have been used by an idiot who likes to put it about.We all know the truth in manchester.
You agree with *yourself*, you mean? I notice you both posted from 126.96.36.199, which is cpc1-ward1-0-0-cust51.manc.cable.ntl.com. I’m glad to know both your heads agree with each other.