WELL I NEVER, What Will They Think Of Next, The Future (NNGadget) — The “tech world” is awash with excitement for today’s scheduled release of a hundred thousand invitations to preview Wave, Google’s innovative new website, communication protocol, interactive environment, multiplayer online role-playing game, bulletin board, wiki, dessert wax and floor topping. Experts, all heavily consulted by the media while Parliament is in recess, say it will revolutionise how we do business, organise parties, manage projects, make friends, waste our employer’s time at work, pick up girls we swear we didn’t realise were under sixteen and cheat on our homework.
- Collaborative reporting: Using the Google Wave interface, two reporters can take turns at the keyboard of an Internet terminal and “type” both their names at the top of an article. Then they can both write material for the article below the double byline! Incredible!
- Record and archive interviews: We can write down the words actually spoken by an interviewee. The words can then be “saved” for use later. Amazing!
- Timelines: The Google Wave Timeline™ can be used to show a timeline of events — just type a clock time and then note what happened around that time! Punctual!
- Discuss what you read: People who read stories can write “comments” on them, by writing them in their Google Wave interface, then “e-mailing” then in to the editors for due consideration and possible publication on the next day’s edition of the “site”! Interactive!
- Smarter story updates: Instead of adding “Updated” to the end of an updated story, we can use the Google Wave Cursor™ and the Google Wave Arrow Keys™ and edit the story text in the middle! Make those commenters look as silly in their supposed “corrections” as you know they should do!
In conclusion, Google Wave is clearly an absolute boon to the noble institution of the Fourth Estate in its mission to protect the public good, further the dynamism of social discourse and watch the watchmen. And this is why we at News International consider Google a threat and menace to the news media and the institution of journalism that must be reined in by government edict without delay. God bless you all, and please PayPal us 20p for having read this article, you parasitical pixel-stained technopeasant. And now, Tories and tits.