Differently-competent PM pleads against assisted career suicide

THE WAITING ROOM, Westminster, Wednesday (NN) — The House of Lords voted against a controversial move to protect Britons who help people bring an end to terminally-ill political careers.

Gordon Brown as old woman in bikini with implantsThe law presently states that anyone who helps another to commit suicide can be jailed for up to 14 years. However, destroying one’s career and future public image and taking the rest of the country with you whilst remaining technically living is not merely legal, but standard. The Director of Public Prosecutions Keir Starmer decided last year to allow the slow destruction of the career and future of Gordon Brown, a 58-year-old man paralysed by a Peter Principle accident who started the slow process of career suicide at the Indignitas clinic in Westminster in 2007.

Mr Brown spoke out strongly against the amendment himself. “I believe it will place a new and invidious pressure on terminally incompetent people to think they are closer to the end of their jobs. I tick every box of the proposed criteria to be eliminated. Members of my own cabinet repeatedly suggest I should seek the ‘dignified option.’ But despite the times when my progressively worsening incompetence challenges me, I want to guarantee that you are with me, supporting my continued life and its value … what do you mean, you’ve already signed me up for it? Peter? Peter!”

NHS trust managers were most disappointed in the result. “Where there’s a living will, there’s a way!”

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