Phorm phights phoul phreedom phighters

W 40th STREET, New York 10018, Tuesday (NNN) — Beleaguered Internet advertising phirm Phorm is hitting back at critics with, in an attempt to lure Internet activists into herniating from laughter.

Abort the fetus and win a Playstation 3! *“It is clear that the campaign against Phorm originates in the sinister manipulations of Alex Hanff and Marcus Williamson,” said Kent Ertegun, CEO of Phorm, “who have used mind control lasers and the killer robot armies of the Open Rights Group and FIPR to deceive millions of Britons into a Communistic fervor of hatred against the engines of the free market and customer demand, the salesmen and marketers, the true creators and enablers of objective value.”

The website, designed in Microsoft Word, uses the infallible public relations format so successfully put into play by the site of the Church of Scientology, an upstanding community institution of similarly flawless repute. reveals how:

  • At the age of five, Hanff REFUSED to share his crayons with the little girl next to him, saying she was “poopy” and would only draw a picture to be used against him.
  • At age twelve, Williamson accepted MONEY from his mother to buy sweets, but not to tell schoolmates in case they wanted some.
  • Hanff and Williamson may have attempted to access POTENTIALLY ILLEGAL images blocked by the Internet Watch Foundation.
  • Hanff and Williamson have used WIKIPEDIA at least once in their lives.
  • Hanff and Williamson INVADED POLAND in 1939.

“Given the persistence with which they propagate incorrect information, we cannot rule out the possibility that a competitor is involved,” he said. “The competitor goes under the name ‘reality.’ Needless to say, we have no tolerance for an entity of such limited possibilities.

“These people are privacy pirates — people who steal privacy online, off the coast of Somalia. With Internet guns! And drugs! And child pornography!”

Mr Hanff and Mr Williamson said they were unsure whether to sue Phorm into atomic dust for gross defamation or just to let them continue with their infallible public relations work. Phorm shares have dropped from 405p to being rated a “serious infection risk” by the World Health Organization.

Get daily email alerts of new NewsTechnica!

One thought on “Phorm phights phoul phreedom phighters”

  1. I don’t need to say anything more about phorm. People can simply look at their latest website and judge for themselves. I thoroughly recommend individuals to follow up each and every smear systematically – they will discover a trail to the truth similar to that unearthed about the false claims on th Stop Phoul Play page about the No.10 Downing St. petition. Unfortunately some of the more scurrilous “truths” told about organisations with the capability to brief libel lawyers, (BBC, ORG, Department of Culture, Media and Sport, Dr Richard Clayton of Cambridge University, No.10 Downing St petition site managers) seem to have mysteriously disappeared from the Stop Phoul play site, although you can check the original versions by looking up the various Stop Phoul Play urls on the site. It seems that the “truths” about individuals without the deep pockets required for libel or takedown actions in this country, are still on the site. Phorm have truly shot themselves in the foot on this one. Congratulations!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.