KINGDOM OF HEAVEN ON EARTH, Dibley, Thursday (NNN) — The Church of England General Synod is preparing rules to appoint women as bishops.

Traditionalists and Anglo-Catholics were “bruised and angry” at the move. “Next they’ll reveal Jesus was a woman,” said the Rev Canon Simon Killwick. “A gay one! Or Jewish! Or not white and blue-eyed! Dogs and cats, living together! Gay female ones! Ordaining people!”

The traditionalist argument is that Jesus had no female disciples, Mary Magdalene and He being “just good friends, honest.” Also, girls have cooties.

“I am not a misogynist,” said George Austin, former Archdeacon of York. “Women have a hugely important role to play in the Church, doing the flowers or making the tea. Darling little creatures. Henry VIII consulted St. Paul personally on this matter and Paul agreed that when schisming a church so you can get your marriage annulled, you must at all costs keep women out of things.”

The Rev Nezlin Sterling said, “Why should we Christians walk on eggshells to preserve community cohesion and accommodate everyone else when the world around us is being aggressive towards Christianity? Burn the buses! Death to the bus drivers!”

The Bishop of Norwich, Graham James, said the draft law would wreak havoc on the Church. “What I see before me in the proposed legislation is an episcopacy so damaged and fractured as to be scarcely worthy of the name.”

“Eeexcellent,” said Professor Richard Dawkins, stroking a white kitten.