Killjoy scientists link cannabis to testicle cancer

UH, ROUND THERE SOMEWHERE, You know the place, man, later some time I think (NNN) — American researchers have found that long-term marijuana use will literally make your balls drop off.

Sex, death and pizzaThe study, from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle, is the first to look specifically at marijuana use in relation to the disease. Testicles contain receptors for tetrahydrocannabinol, meaning that smoking pot really does make your balls as big as you think it does.

“We also managed to tie it into the earlier study that showed that high sexual activity leads to prostate cancer,” said Dr Janet Daling. “Thus proving: if you touch it, it’ll drop off.”

Dr Daling said that puberty might be a “window of opportunity” during which boys were more vulnerable to environmental factors such as the chemicals in marijuana. “So all we need to do is to convince young men that sex, masturbation and getting utterly wasted is a bad idea and they shouldn’t want to do it.”

Critics of the study expressed concern over it not allowing for possible carcinogenic effects of brownies, pizza or Grateful Dead records.

Get daily email alerts of new NewsTechnica!

4 thoughts on “Killjoy scientists link cannabis to testicle cancer”

  1. Of course, it’s a true story. What it leaves out is that all of the guys with cancerous stones got them from wading in Puget Sound while toking with Michael Phelps back in the day.

    By the way, what the hell does back in the day mean? Is that Morris Day?

    Huh? What? Oh sure. I forgot.

  2. Good thing I’m a girl. We don’t need balls, just brains. I wonder how many of those Seattle researchers were men? I don’t know. Cannabis has been used for over 20,000 years yet there are no wives tales or myths about a man’s balls falling off after using cannabis on a consistent basis. Are they sure it was balls and not “Brains” falling off?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *