MENEZES, Stockwell, Wednesday (NNN) — Luckless cipher Sir Paul Stephenson has been named as Commissioner of London’s Metropolitan Police.
Leading a staff of more than 50,000 and overseeing a £3.5bn budget, he will be expected to continue the fight against terrorism, young people wherever they may be and falling house prices. He said his priorities would include cutting crime, catching criminals and “all that police-y stuff. The job of the Met is to deal with crime and make the streets of London safer. And state the bleeding obvious in press conferences.”
Sir Paul’s first priorities include the Olympics, the arrests of MPs, youth knife murders, organised crime, child protection, the recession and anything at all that doesn’t bring to mind electricians being shot through the head in tube trains by armed police. He will be meeting with the National Black Police Association to offer them an entirely new series of platitudes and empty gestures.