Luckless cipher named as new Met commissioner

MENEZES, Stockwell, Wednesday (NNN) — Luckless cipher Sir Paul Stephenson has been named as Commissioner of London’s Metropolitan Police.

Police toiletSir Paul, 55, who was deputy to previous chief Sir Ian Blair, said he was “enormously proud” and was looking forward to bringing “a complete change, only somehow more of exactly the same.”

Leading a staff of more than 50,000 and overseeing a £3.5bn budget, he will be expected to continue the fight against terrorism, young people wherever they may be and falling house prices. He said his priorities would include cutting crime, catching criminals and “all that police-y stuff. The job of the Met is to deal with crime and make the streets of London safer. And state the bleeding obvious in press conferences.”

Sir Paul’s first priorities include the Olympics, the arrests of MPs, youth knife murders, organised crime, child protection, the recession and anything at all that doesn’t bring to mind electricians being shot through the head in tube trains by armed police. He will be meeting with the National Black Police Association to offer them an entirely new series of platitudes and empty gestures.

3 thoughts on “Luckless cipher named as new Met commissioner”

  1. I think this is yet another first for the Met, the first of yet another repeat of the same old shit. There is no doubt that the appointee is well served at arse-licking the establishment and is thereby in a unique position to continue to do so. He will no doubt bring his considerable talent for whitewash and procrastination to the fore in his efforts to clean up the force and provide the public with a first class service. Then he will be quite happy to kick your door down and unceremoniously arrest your grannie and shot her (mistakenly) for being a Celebrity Big Brother addict. Excellent choice.

  2. God love you and your quirky sense of humor. And God knows only too well, we can never get enough empty gestures. Thanks for another inciteful (Miss spel intennshunall) post!
    Your pal, Ms. Therese from and Stop by for a visit one of these days.

  3. It’s so nice to see that the colonies and the mother land still have so much in common: “He will be meeting with the National Black Police Association to offer them an entirely new series of platitudes and empty gestures.”

    Great stuff.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.