SHOPPINGLAND, Consumerville, Friday (NotScientist) — US researchers have repeated the famous “Milgram test,” with volunteers told to electrocute another volunteer, and discovered that normal, everyday people just like you and your neighbours would still make pretty good Nazis in a pinch.

Dr Jerry Burger found that even after the other volunteer (an actor) faked screams of pain, 70% were prepared to increase the voltage they thought was punishing the untermensch. Even when another actor entered the room and questioned what was happening, most were still prepared to continue.

“Most people just want to raise their kids and earn a buck and not be bothered. Tests prove these assholes will happily get you fired for a five-dollar discount, no matter how nice you were to them — if I promise them 5% off their weekly groceries, I dare you to find me one who’ll stop a second before they sell you to the secret police.”

Dr Abigail San ran the experiment herself and concurred. “It’s not that these are not good people — it’s that you can die in a fire if they’ll get a nicer telly for it. I wonder when the next fucker to say ‘never again’ mentions Rwanda. Oh, never?”

Boris Busybody, 77 (IQ), of East Cheam, condemned the experiments. “Everyone knew this already — these ‘scientists’ have upset their test subjects for no good reason. It’s just not right or moral. We should send the buggers back where they came from. I bet they’re all on the dole too.”