PARIS, Redmond, Monday (NNN) — In an effort to break out of the stifling monopoly of being a rather tedious office supplies company and get “hep” with the “kids,” Microsoft has branched out into clothing.

The Zunewear® catalog will feature a fabulous array of brown polyester, purchasable for only $29 in the Home Basic edition and guaranteed not to unravel as long as your annual subscription is up to date. Other garments include a brown button-up leather jacket with a Microsoft logo on the back and a three-piece bri-nylon suit with a Bill Gates “mugshot” tie.

“This line taps the nostalgia of when the PC began to affect Bill’s bank account,” said marketing marketer’s marketer Steve Ballmer. “Who wouldn’t show up to work advertising their love of Office 97, of Windows ME, of Microsoft Bob? The Vista® shoes with ten-pound weights on each ankle that need to be flexed to fit. Be a winner! Get with the popular crowd! I’M A PC!”

Apple has responded with a line of hundreds of identical black polonecks, while Google offers a multicoloured garment free!!! that melds itself into your skin and body and enhances your life in all sorts of ways while transmitting detailed information on your cellular structure back to Google’s marketing department.

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