US Army: “RT @304thMIbattalion: Twitter terrorist weapon”

OMG, Onoez, Sunday (NNN) — A report by the US Army 304th Military Intelligence Battalion identifies Internet technologies such as Twitter as potential TERRORIST tools.

Osama bin MobyTwitter users reported the July Los Angeles earthquake faster than news outlets, and TERRORISTS protesting at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis used it to provide information on police movements.

Other technologies were also examined for their TERRORIST uses. “Email could be used for TERRORIST messages, the anonymous troll comments on Slashdot could be used for TERRORIST data exchange and GPS trackers could be used to find our asses. We are also examining the dangers of YouTube pratfall videos, cat macros, pencils and paper and carefully modulated flatulence. Extra funding has been allocated for research into TERRORIST messages on MP3 and pornographic websites and BitTorrent tracker lists.

“There is terrible, terrible danger that if people can communicate they may say something TERRORIST,” said the report. “As such, our forces are securing the offices of Twitter with the aim of trying its financial backers for funding TERRORISM. We only hope our plans are not—”

The report cut off at this point, replaced by a Fail Whale.

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