Next Windows to be called “Windows”

MORDOR, RedMonk, Tuesday (NNGadget) — In a triumph of marketing over marketing, the next version of Windows will be called “Windows.”

Windows 7“Nuts to you and your ‘Windows $NEXT_VERSION’ jokes,” said Microsoft CEO Steve “Trains Run On Time” Ballmer. “It’s Windows %NEXT_VERSION%, and fuck you! WordPad and Paint will kick your ass.”

Tentative names included Windows Blackcomb, Windows Vienna, WindOS X, Windex, Windows Steak and Blowjobs Edition!!! (which proved in beta testing to be Tofu and Long Querulous Discussion About Where Our Relationship Is Going Edition) and Windows 2007 2008 2009 2010.

A new line of advertisements, made on Apple Macintoshes, is set for 2009:

WINDOWS SE7EN. Overwhelming greed, lust for power, Mac envy, slothful performance, Aero pride, wrath against Samba, spectacular gluttony. WHAT’S IN THE BOX?

Canonical, Inc. shares were up 5% in early trading.

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