ALÞING, Westminster, Saturday (NNN) — President Gordon W. Brown has declared there will be “no compromise” on Icelandic terrorist attacks on British money.

Icelandic terrorism has brought the City to its knees. London transport and council rubbish collection has stopped because of the Icelanders having all their money. Police response has been hampered by the Icelanders having all their money. Their terrorist leader Geir bin Haarde is rumoured to be hiding in terrorist volcanic caves near Reykjavík, sleeping on a great big terrorist bed made of British money.

“They come over here,” said Mr Brown, “and sell us cut-price frozen foods, run very hard TV quiz shows and sing incomprehensible airy-fairy gibberish with a terrible hairdo. We will respond with the Mother Of All Diplomatic Protests!”

Icelandic business assets have been frozen, Icelanders’ money is being shipped to Guantánamo Bay and Björk and Sigur Rós have been required to participate in Eurovision. “Together!”

Mr Brown warned: “This could have dire consequences for our nation. But we must stand firm even in the face of a new cod war.”