MENEZES, Stockwell, Thursday (NNN) — Complaints of police rudeness and impoliteness have risen 25% in the last year, the Independent Police Complaints Commission says.
Others complain of police refusing to accept that a crime has been committed. “The bounder failed to doff his cap or call me by my full title,” said arrogant over-monied young twat Otis Ferry, 25. “He even threatened me with a charge of ‘wasting police time’ when I insisted he report his own atrociously oikish behaviour to his knighted superior! I blame the socialists in power.”
Figures released earlier this year showed police carried out 955,000 stop-and-searches in 2006/07, up 9%. Black people are seven times more likely to be stopped as white people. “Brown ones should just stay inside and keep away from tube stations,” said commissioner Sir Ian Blair, “particularly if they’re in the force themselves.”
The Met said it welcomed complaints. “On slow nights we make paper planes from them, cover them in hairspray, set them alight and launch them from the roof,” said Sir Ian.
“They should save their rudeness for those Johnny Foreigners with their new Johnny Foreigner ID cards,” said Brenda Busybody, 77 (IQ), of East Cheam, “not decent British folk like us. I pay my licence fee!”
In better news, reported crimes are down 25% on last year yet again, this apparently being in no way connected to closed police stations or point-blank refusals by police to accept that the bleeding person limping in with torn clothes and no money is a victim of crime rather than, e.g., a random vagrant just after a warm cell for the night.