Bizarre benefits fraud excuses revealed by government

THE OSBOURNES, Bog Society, Sunday (NTN) — A survey by fraud investigators has revealed their top ten worst excuses used by the evil benefit cheats depriving you, yes you, of valuable pennies you could have put toward your next pint.

  • Bayer Heroin bottle“We didn’t realise the NHS needed that six billion quid, we just had to make a few million phone calls.”
  • “Don’t tell me you give a shit about the tax your supermarket pays if you get your milk 2p cheaper.”
  • “It was a necessary and unavoidable cost of doing business to route every penny through Switzerland.”
  • “Kate Moss on my arm or you getting to study. I mean, let’s get serious here.”

“Benefit fraud is no joke,” said welfare reform minister Lord Fraud, “and yet our investigators are routinely dealing with barefaced cheek and ridiculous excuses for stealing money from the taxpayer.

“Fortunately, they’re mates of George’s, so we can get on with scapegoating victims we’re fairly sure probably can’t fight back. You weren’t limping on the way in here, were you?”

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