CHANNEL 4, Bravo To Zero, Thursday (NTN) — On this momentous day for British democracy, the prey of the nation have flocked to the slaughter pens in record numbers to do their bit to make sure the wrong lizards are put into power over them.
“The new lizards are evil and malignant oppressors,” said prey Deadmeat Busybody, 77 (IQ), of East Cheam. “They tried to have us all rounded up and tagged! Well. We’ve put paid to them. The old lizards are due their place in the sun, and we’ll be very happy to have them back.”
“But you can’t trust the old lizards,” said prey Porkpie Busybody, 77 (IQ), of East Cheam. “I remember when they were in last time. They didn’t number us, they just slaughtered us wholesale not even keeping count! The current lizards are the only safe choice. Look at how green the fields have been the last decade!”
“There’s a third way,” said prey Butternutandpolentagnocchialforno Busybody, 77 (IQ), of East Cheam. “If enough of the prey get together, we can make sure the lizards change the rules on picking the next lizards so that the lizards the prey really want eating them get in. The lizards will have to work together on which prey they eat! The best of all possible lizards in all possible worlds.”
“Yer all wrong, we need to kick the for’n prey out,” said prey Fathitler Busybody, 77 (IQ), of Barking. “I’m a lizard, see? Not prey. I got a green hat wiv scales an’ a pointy tongue. I’ll jus’ put it in. I’m a lithard! Lithard! We goth th’ betht prey! Bether than th’ Euroth! Lithard!”