PAGE 3, Channel 5, Thursday (N! News) — Celebrity celebrity Katie “Jordan” Price has fulfilled her contractual obligations on I’m A Celebrity For God’s Sake Kill Me Now by eating a kangaroo’s anus.

The star was placed through a series of humiliating trials by popular audience vote in which she was covered in cockroaches, had to count to ten without using her fingers and, of course, was forced to eat a kangaroo’s anus.

Ms Price had entered the show to get over her relationship with slightly less vacuous twat Peter Andre, who has come out of all this actually looking good by comparison, the £350,000 being a mere token of ITV’s affection. Viewers welcomed her and the chance to make her eat a kangaroo’s anus.

Her proven popularity has led to ITV commissioning a second series of her reality TV show, What Katie Did Next, in which she eats a kangaroo’s anus.

ITV executives reassured voters that Jordan had in fact had to actually eat an actual kangaroo’s actual anus. On television.

Jordan has also dumped her transvestite side of beef with a cock Alex Reid, so at least she’s not shagging one any more.