Microsoft arranges spontaneous house parties for Windows 7 launch

LAKE WASHINGTON BLVD. E., Seattle, Friday (NNGadget) — In preparation for the stupendous launch of Microsoft Windows %NEXT_VERSION% in October, Microsoft is organising a detailed word-of-mouth push.

Clippy all the way“Astroturfing word of mouth is routine, don’t worry,” said Cylon Number Six from Waggener Edstrom. “We’ve been careful to get all our partners and MVPs on the case. Here’s the invitation:”

Dear INSERT NAME HERE,

Come to our supar l33t party! It’ll have “balloons” and “games” and “family friendly” fun and really easy setting up, nudge nudge, wink wink! Plug and play, my friend. Plug and play. Don’t forget your … anti-virus. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

The hosts of the best Windows 7 House Parties will win a free copy of Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition. The runners-up will get a leftover copy of Vista.

The Windows 7 drinking game will include:

  • One shot for every “ethnic” face in an install graphic.
  • An extra shot if it’s pasted over the head of a white person.
  • One shot for every white face pasted over the head of a non-white person.
  • One shot for every program with the Office 2007 “ribbon” toolbar stuck on it completely inappropriately.
  • One shot for every exciting “new” feature that’s been in Mac OS and Linux for the past five years.
  • An extra shot if the exciting “new” feature’s been in Mac OS and Linux for the past ten years.
  • One shot every time you reboot during the install.
  • One shot every time the system asks to reboot just because it feels like it.
  • Two shots every time it reboots even though you said “no.”
  • Drain the bottle if there’s an actual feature that makes Windows 7 so much better than sticking with XP that you’ll spend actual money to get it.
  • A bitter mouthful every time the system blue-screens.

“There’s a party in your ass,” said Number Six, “and we’re going to … I’m sorry, I picked up the wrong cue sheet. The Wow™ starts NOW! Hold on … Windows 7! It sucks less! Honest! Yeah, that’s the one.”

10 thoughts on “Microsoft arranges spontaneous house parties for Windows 7 launch”

  1. Fanboys…thats the problem with Windows 7, you goddamn fanboys. You are so obsessed with your super elite Linux and MacOS that you cant help yourself but to bash on anything Microsoft does. Seriously, when are we going to see the articles about the shortcomings of Linux or OsX? Ill tell you when, never. Ive been using Win7 for quite a while now, and I have to say, its the tightest OS Ive used in a while. I have to run a few things in compatibility mode here and there, but thats not Microsoft, thats the individual software developer. As far as drivers go, I have the perfect solution…..google. I know, some of you may not have heard of it yet, but give it a try. Go to http://www.google.com and type “NAME OF DEVICE Windows 7 driver”. If that doesnt work, 99% (read: most) of Vista drivers work just fine. Seriously, if you cant find a driver for it, its probably 20 years old, go buy a new one.

    Now, all you stupid fanboys can commence the flaming, because you know you want to, but know this, I went from Linux to Windows 7, not the other way around. Ive been using all 3 products for a long time now, and while Microsoft sucked ass for a long time, they finally put something decent together. Give them a little credit. Just because it isnt open source, doesnt mean it sucks.

    Think about this, do you hate Microsoft because they have done something horrible to you? Or do you hate them because the rest of the internet says you are supposed to? Half of you probably pirated the damned thing anyways, which gives you absolutely no place whatsoever to tear it apart. Go buy it, then you can complain.

  2. @Rellq- dude, glad you finally found something you liked. Hope you don’t spend *another* 5 years of your life reboot/upgrading/patching/- ing.

  3. looks like everyone at the party playing that drinking game is going to be sober.

    # One shot for every “ethnic” face in an install graphic.
    # An extra shot if it’s pasted over the head of a white person.
    # One shot for every white face pasted over the head of a non-white person.

    – There are no people in any of the “install graphics”. That was only in their advertising, and not even for Windows 7

    # One shot for every program with the Office 2007 “ribbon” toolbar stuck on it completely inappropriately.

    – Ok, I’ll give you that one

    # One shot for every exciting “new” feature that’s been in Mac OS and Linux for the past five years.
    # An extra shot if the exciting “new” feature’s been in Mac OS and Linux for the past ten years.

    – Even OSX fans at the professional level, not just fanboys admit that the new taskbar exceeds what the Dock does

    # One shot every time you reboot during the install.

    – ok so two or three shots

    # One shot every time the system asks to reboot just because it feels like it.

    – I have never seen Windows 7 do that, or any OS for that matter

    # Two shots every time it reboots even though you said “no.”

    – Again, never seen that happen

    # Drain the bottle if there’s an actual feature that makes Windows 7 so much better than sticking with XP that you’ll spend actual money to get it.

    – Honestly I have an older HP d325 I put Windows 7 on, and it has much snappier response than with XP on it

    # A bitter mouthful every time the system blue-screens

    – I haven’t had that happen yet, only heard people talk about it when they are running chkdsk on a HD that doesn’t house the OS.

    I think this “editorial” was written to get alot of people to read this and comment, trying to drive some revenue. Sad really

  4. Wow, how original. Linux geeks who get laid as often as they need to reboot their servers bashing the latest MS OS without ever having seen it or used it. Yawn. So what’s on television today?

  5. Reliq, you’re not going to win friends and influence people by trolling / flaming. Please reconsider your approach.

    FWIW, I have a Mac for my personal machine, and work in Windows and Unix (Solaris and RHEL) for a living. The more I use Microsoft’s products, the more I hate them. I had to upgrade from Office 2000 to Office 2003 recently, enterprise requirement. Outlook 2003 is a much bigger resource hog than Outlook 2000, has a less intuitive interface, and takes longer to do pretty much anything.

    The bottom line is that, given Microsoft’s track record, I do not have any reasonable expectation of Windows 7 being any better than their previous products, and a reasonable expectation of it being worse. Thanks for posting the drinking game. I’ll need it.

  6. In other news, rabid MS fanboys show surprising lack of humor.

    Seriously guys, relax a bit, it’s comedy. I’m a Linux and a Windows (and OS X for that matter) user, and they all have their strong points. I use Windows for gaming, and I’m currently running XP Pro 64, which chugs along quite nicely (and it damn well better considering the hardware it’s running on). Setup dual boot on the same system I’ve got an install of Gentoo Linux that I do all my development work on, and it works just as well as the Windows install. Then there’s the Ubuntu Linux laptop I use when I’m away from home (Ubuntu because I really don’t have the patience to figure out which kernel driver corresponds to which piece of hardware). Lastly is my wife’s macbook running OS X which we bought for the warranty and the fact that if anything goes wrong with it at all we can just chuck it at the techs in the local Apple store and they’ll fix it for free (most recently a free HD replacement complete with OS re-install as the original up and died about 2 years after we bought the laptop).

    All the systems I use work well, and I’ll probably be installing Windows 7 on my gaming system to replace XP Pro 64 (not because I think it’s necessarily better than XP Pro 64, but because it’ll be easier to find updated drivers). If I had to pick a favorite OS, I’d probably say Gentoo Linux (although I’m getting ready to try Arch Linux), but that doesn’t mean I would want to give up every other OS as they each have their strong points.

    So, relax, have a laugh (I know I did), and don’t take things like this too seriously. And to the writer to this piece, thanks for reminding me of the good old days of segfault.org.

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