YOUR FRIENDS LIST, DeadJournal, Friday (NNN) — The dangers of stalkers destroying the lives of the extremely stupid on social networking sites,when you should just stay quiet and watch television, was highlighted again this week after a woman called Lindsay was sacked for posting “OMG I HATE MY JOB. My boss is a total pervvy wanker always making me do shit stuff just to piss me off!!” where her boss could read it and fire her by comment.

Office workers get interrupted on the job as often as eleven times per hour, costing as much as $588 billion squillion zillion in paid time lost to “work” each year from valuable peer-to-peer creative cultural participation in the fulfilment of the promise of the computer-mediated throbbing flow of twenty-first century participation in society in such flourishing hotbeds of unlimited human potential as “What femninine hygeine prodcut are yuo?” quizzes on Facebook and photos of bowel movements on Twitter.

Studies have found that workers interrupted by e-mail and telephones scored lower on an IQ test than a test group that had smoked marijuana. Unfortunately, EPA regulations still forbid bong hits at one’s desk, even when trying to fix one’s makefile.

“There are reasonable precautions the non-stupid can take,” said labour lawyer Mary Beth Currie. “A secondary Facebook profile with only workmates as friends and a cardboard cutout as the photo. This is useful when putting the cardboard cutout at one’s desk before going off to the loo to look at porn on your iPhone. Of course, if you’re my minion and don’t add me to your main account, I fire you.”

Lindsay was upset, but unrepentant. “Thank fuck for Facebook. What the hell did people do at work all day before computers?”