BROOKER, Twatter.com, Thursday (NNN) — London will soon suffer an influx of cheap cocaine, making a line less than £1 — cheaper than a cup of coffee.

Drug experts have warned of “Nathan Barleys from horizon to horizon” as irritating and self-obsessed twats take drugs designed to enhance irritating self-obsessed twattery.

Starbucks has announced plans to fight back against the newcomer, with its new Double Venti Nonfat Decaf Organic Heroin Iced Vanilla Double-Shot PCP Nosecandyccino Caffeinated Detergent Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Methamphetamine Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet’N Low, One Nutrasweet and One MDMA. The cocaine is guaranteed to be organically grown and Fairtrade™-certified. “A better deal for drug farmers.”

Economists are warning of a second dot-com new media revolution. “No money, just endless streams of droning voices talking about themselves at each other. It’ll be like the worst bits of 2000 all over again.”

“At least they won’t be able to get it up to reproduce,” said the International Narcotics Control Board. “Just talk for hours on end about how good it’ll be.”

Smokers, meanwhile, still huddled outside in the rain while random passers-by threw rotten tomatoes at them.