SIM SUBURBS, Last Life, Friday (NNGadget) – In further proof of the evils of video games, Shane Boyd, 16, stabbed Conor Black to death with a Wiimote at a party in Manchester after Black tried to give him an XBox.

The PK then bragged to people at the party “STFU N00B FR@GG3D QQ.” Wii Fit rated his age at 70 after years of teenage drinking and smoking.

The judge said using a knife was no way to settle a row about a games console, suggesting a nice game of chess. “Dis Wii is propa nang, blad!” noted the killer. “I beg it join my cru. Dat hangin crump XBox is an insult.” The judge said he had a point, but sentenced Boyd to 11 years’ confinement with an Atari 2600 and a copy of Custer’s Revenge. “Red Ring indeed.”

Britain has seen a rise in violent street crime involving teenagers in the last year, with one youngster being pushed out a window, his attacker shouting “IT’S A PORTAL!” and later claiming “GladOS made me do it.”

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