‘United States’ Archives
Microsoft fires Jerry Seinfeld
MORDOR, RedMonk, Thursday (NNGadget) — The Microsoft Vista advertisements starring Bill Gates as Colonel Sanders and Jerry Seinfeld as a washed-up 1990s sitcom star have been terminated. The ads are nevertheless anticipated to win many advertising industry awards and look good on the creators' resumés. Vista has sold over 140 million [...]
Windows $NEXT_VERSION will floor all comers
Guest post by Mary-Jo Enderle BORG CUBE, RedMonk, Tuesday (NNGadget) — I have seen the future: Windows $NEXT_VERSION Milestone $MOCKUP. I tried it on a low-end laptop with four Core 2 Duo chips and only 8 gig of memory, and trust me: $NEXT_VERSION is shaping up to be one heck of a product. WordPad and Paint have seen major overhauls [...]
iTunes breaks Vista: Linux to blame
BODDY MANSION, Hill House, Thursday (NNGadget) — iTunes 8, released with the new iPods on Tuesday, causes Blue Screens of Death on Windows Vista. Apple and Microsoft enthusiasts quickly fell to heated message board discussion of which company was to blame — but equally quickly fingered the culprit. "It's Linux. Gotta be," said Xbox [...]
Disney’s “Babe” a huge heartland hit
VARIETY, Lack Of, Friday (N! News) — A tight Karl Rove script makes a hit of the Mouse's new dramedy Babe, a Fox co-production, helmed by Ron Howard and starring Britney Spears. It's done whammo box office in the Bible Belt in its first two weeks, despite a panning from Gotham critics. The fairy-tale pitch — a moose-shooting PTA [...]
Microsoft releases eight critical new security holes
BOLGIAS 8 AND 9, Redmond, Tuesday (NNGadget) — After what was expected to be an unusually quiet Patch Tuesday, Microsoft has released eight patches for applications with an insufficient number of security holes. "Our market is the enterprise," said Microsoft security marketer Jonathan Ness. "Information technology professionals know that [...]
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac taken over by Federal government
HORSETRADER'S, Beltway, Sunday (NNN) — The small-goverment Republican Presidential administration, whose fundamental economic belief is to allow the free market to reach solutions without official interference, has nationalized the giant Fannie Mae (FNM.PK) and Freddie Mac (FRE.PK) mortgage associations, placing them under the control of the [...]
Metallica “welcome” new album leak
ROCK'N'ROLL HOLE OF FAME, Cut-Out Bins Worldwide, Thursday (N! News) — Lars Ulrich, drummer of Metallica, said they "welcome" the leak of their new album, Death, Stench Of, in MP3 form. "It's the way business is done these days," Mr Ulrich said. "And there's the novelty of anyone wanting to listen to a new Metallica album." The album was [...]
Arctic ice melting heralds vast opportunities
NOME TROPICANA, Drinks Are Free, Long Hot Summer (NNN) — The Arctic Ocean is now largely clear of ice, heralding vast new business opportunities, President Sarah Palin announced today. The famed North-West Passage is now permanently navigable, with huge shipping volumes between Arctic nations. "We're considering just building a highway [...]
Microsoft desperately slashes Xbox 360 price
STENCH OF DEATH, Redmond, Wednesday (NNGadget) — Microsoft has discounted the entry-level Doesn't-Do-Much Xbox 360 to $200 from Friday, $50 cheaper than the Nintendo Wii. (This will translate to a £250 price point in the UK.) "We are thrilled to be the first next-generation console on the market with a big 'Microsoft' logo on it to reach [...]
McCain: Leave Palin alone
CONSERVAPEDIALITY, Minnesota, Thursday (NNN) — John McCain has angrily condemned the media for questioning the way his running mate Sarah Palin's candidacy was vetted. "LEAVE SARAH ALONE!" Mr McCain cried, his eyeliner smearing. "How goshdarn dare anyone out there make fun of Sarah after all she has been through!" McCain pooh-poohed [...]
