‘United Kingdom’ Archives
Pregnant women encouraged to drink up this month
2ND FLOOR, 25 Gordon Street, Friday (NNN) — Researchers from University College, London have found that light drinking during pregnancy does no harm to the baby. This contradict NHS advice in recent years that expectant mothers who look at a glass of wine will have a child with two heads, no head, extra arms or a tail or who risks sleeping [...]
Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand collide with delayed journalistic August
TELEVISION CENTRE, W12, Tuesday (NNN) — National outrage was sparked by a moment's idiocy on the part of Jonathan Woss and Wussell Bwand a few weeks ago when the newspapers ran out of stories about Big Brother contestants, skateboarding ducks and what your breasts mean to fill the spaces between pronouncements of economic doom. The incident [...]
Teenage cyber-criminals run riot
YOUNG ADUWTS, Nozin' Around, Monday (NNGadget) — A new generation of "online hoodies" is wreaking havoc in cyberspace, Internet security touts are warning. The hackers, some as young as 12, begin by breaking into newspaper production systems and replacing news of substance with ridiculous headlines such as "Scientists discover breasts cause [...]
Science reveals evolutionary origins of gender stereotypes
WELL I NEVER, See I Told You, Morning Commuter Time (NNN) — British scientists have uncovered why little girls like pink toys. "Women are hardwired to like pink," says Professor Gene Hunt of the University of Metro, "because their cavewoman foremothers spent their days gathering red leaves and berries amongst the trees." Later, women needed [...]
Children’s exposure to disturbing net pics curable by sending the NSPCC money
CYBERSPICE, Brass Eye, Monday (NNN) — The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, a leading charity promoting the cause of itself, has released a survey showing that nearly 75 percent of kids in UK have been disturbed by images they saw on the Internet. "Children are just a few clicks away from innocently stumbling [...]
Reward scheme for pregnant smokers to quit
PARK HOSPITAL, Bevan, Thursday (NNN) — Mothers-to-be are to be offered gift vouchers and beauty treatments to encourage them to give up smoking, the NHS has announced. "Simply highlighting the dangers of smoking in pregnancy is not always enough," said Help 2 Quit director Kevin Lewis. "In one focus group of pregnant smokers, 13 out of 15 [...]
Terrorists linked to child porn
4 QUADRANT CREATED EARTH, Whitehall, Friday (NNN) — Terrorists are embedding coded messages into child pornographic images and using paedophile websites as a secure way to pass information, according to British security services. According to MI-5 officer David Icke, no charges of possession of child pornography have been brought against [...]
UK government adopts Digital Rights Management
THE NILOPTICON, Whitehall, Thursday (NNN) — The Home Office has moved to calm fears over its new plan to collect every email sent in or out of Britain. "We've been speaking with our PFI contractors," said Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, "and they've been speaking with those nice people from Microsoft, and we think we can use something called [...]
Turing Test won with Artificial Stupidity
LINDEN, The Grid, Monday (NNGadget) — Artificial intelligence came a step closer this weekend when a computer came within five percent of passing the Turing Test, which the computer passes if people cannot tell between the computer and a human. The winning conversation was with competitor LOLBOT: "Good morning." "STFU N00B" "Er, [...]
Universal Internet filter plans detailed
SECURITY EIGHTPLEX, Whitehall Odeon, Sunday (NNN) — The UK Council for Child Internet Safety will be mandating word filters on all Internet communications in the UK. "We have buttiduously canvbutted the industry, buttessed what is available and buttembled the finest selection of PFI contractors for this buttignment," said Schools Secretary [...]
