‘Technology’ Archives
Showing up to work at all “costs British economy £2.13 trillion a year”
WEB 1.99 RC 1, Oh God it's nine o'clock, Monday morning (NNN) — Two-thirds of office workers use sites like Twitter and Facebook during the working day, wasting an average of 40 minutes a week each. The survey was conducted by Morse IT, with no consideration whatsoever of the company's extensive line of Internet filtering [...]
Windows 7 released on Question Time to mass protests
TELEVISION OUTSKIRTS, Off-White City, Thursday (MSBBC) — Microsoft National Party leader Windows 7 has insisted it was "not Vista" during its first appearance on the BBC's Question Time. The political discussion programme was recorded as Macintosh and Linux campaigners protested outside Television Centre. The BBC maintained Windows 7 [...]
Ubuntu “Karmic Koala” released for men
THAWTELESS, West London, Monday (NNGadget) — Canonical, Inc. has announced the release later this month of Ubuntu Linux 9.10, "Karmic Koala," to men. Project founder Mark Shuttleworth explained that "this stuff is difficult to explain to girls" and thought they'd have gotten the hint when he called 8.04 "Hairy Hardon." "Worrying about [...]
Microsoft renders Sidekick data completely secure
NOWHERE LAND, Seattle, Sunday (NNGadget) — Microsoft today implemented its 100% Data Confidentiality package for T-Mobile Sidekick, comprehensively protecting users' contacts, email and messages from any possible attacker. "Our data security is impenetrable," said Steve Ballmer, "and will reassure everyone of the data integrity of our [...]
TomTom launches cut-price Darwin Signature satnav
TWO HUNDRED METRES, Turn Left, Thursday (NNN) — Minicab saviour TomTom has announced their latest navigation device, the Stop, targeting motorists on a budget. The price is subsidised by donations from the motoring public in honour of the 150th anniversary of the publication of Charles Darwin's Origin of Species. The user interface has been [...]
Microsoft Windows beats all in security tests
YESLER WAY, Seattle, Monday (NNGadget) — Microsoft Windows has once again trounced all comers in security, with a recent survey showing 59% of all Windows machines on the Internet being infected with malware and under the control of botnets. Malware rose 15% just from August to September this year. Windows users continued to be stupidly [...]
Apple, Inc sues apples for trademark violation
ANOTHER INFINITE LOOP, Cupertino, Monday (NNN) — In its latest move to protect the consumer and, of course, its valuable intellectual property and reputation, Apple has brought a trademark violation suit in Australia against nature. "The violations are all over trees, sometimes orchards full of them," said Steve Jobs today. "And not a [...]
Gordon Brown threatens Britain with fireside podcasts
GET ON UP, I Wanna Do My Thing, Sunday (NNN) — James Gordon Brown, the hardest-working Prime Minister in show business, has warned the economy to buck up its ideas and get on its feet or he will unleash his erudition in a weekly podcast. Downing Street compared the podcast to Franklin D. Roosevelt's "fireside chats" broadcast on radio in [...]
Google Wave to transform the Internet
WELL I NEVER, What Will They Think Of Next, The Future (NNGadget) — The "tech world" is awash with excitement for today's scheduled release of a hundred thousand invitations to preview Wave, Google's innovative new website, communication protocol, interactive environment, multiplayer online role-playing game, bulletin board, wiki, dessert [...]
Windows 7 party video snatches defeat from the jaws of victory
YESLER WAY, Seattle, Friday (NNGadget) — Office supply company Microsoft has reassured consumers and industry analysts that its decline will continue with the new video on how to run a Windows 7 house party, whose "viral" nature goes beyond "herpes" or "swine flu" to "SARS." Originally thought to be a devastating satirical spoof before [...]
