‘Technology’ Archives
PlayStation 3 trounces Xbox 360 for reliability
GUTEN TAG, Wii Geht's, Monday (NTN) — Sony has proudly announced a Playstation 3™ Holiday™, where all users are advised to go outside and play in the sunshine. "Have some fun! Talk to a human! Party like it's December 31st, 1999! Amazing 3D rendering!" The company had long battled in public perception with Microsoft's Xbox 360 [...]
Apple admits using subtle and precise child labour
PROFESSOR JOBS' SCHOOL FOR GIFTED YOUNGSTERS, Shenzhen, Sunday (NTN) — In its annual supplier report, Apple has admitted that its Chinese factories have employed children to build its gadgets. "Ones with a particularly refined sense of aesthetics." Apple revealed the sweatshop conditions inside the factories it uses. The child workers [...]
Jaron Lanier: Why people should pay more attention to me and not Web 2.0
When I noticed myself getting mean online I thought, "Something has gone terribly wrong." It was obvious the rest of the ARPAnet had a social problem, not just me being some sort of asshole. My book You Are Not A Gadget: A Manifesto is ruffling virtual feathers across the ARPAnet. And so it should, because I invented virtual reality. Wikipedia, [...]
Derby commuter hell named after Lara Croft
SOFT SQUARE, Suburban Bedroom, Friday (NTN) — An impossibly uninteresting stretch of ring road in Derby is to be named after a 3D computer animation with ludicrously-rendered breasts. The new stretch from Osmaston Road to Burton Road will be named after the aristocrat and archaeologist Lara Croft from Tomb Raider, who Toby Gard of Core [...]
Google adopts new “Do, however, be stupid” policy
WHEREVER YOU ARE, At All Times, forever (NTN) — In the wake of massive Buzz privacy problems, Google has announced that its slogan "Don't Be Evil" will be extended for the 2010s with "But Do Feel Free To Be Dangerously Bloody Stupid." "I don't see how people could ever have thought it wasn't perfect," said Google marketing marketer Todd [...]
Facebook pressured to change from old style to old old style
YOUR DESK, Turing Tarpit, Monday (NTN) — Facebook has outraged thousands of obsessive shirkplace F5-pressers by changing its layout from the layout it changed to after the layout before that. The change has met a storm of protest from users going so far as to click "Join This Group," with nearly two million people with, apparently, [...]
Nokia frees Symbian code, three or four overjoyed
HEY HEY 16K, Need To Know, Thursday (Big K) — Nokia, through the Symbian Foundation, has made the code for the Symbian smartphone OS open source, putting several aging geeks in raptures of delight. "The Symbian OS will delight those of us who fondly remember EPOC on the Psion NetBook," said Larry Berkin, Symbian's head of global [...]
AFACT v iiNet: Statement in full from the losing party
TIN PAN VALLEY, The Matrix, Wednesday (N! News) — Film companies today expressed their disappointment that the Federal Court found that iiNet was not using orbital mind control lasers to encourage copyright infringements by its customers on its network. Despite findings of copyright infringement by iiNet customers, pirate flags in their [...]
Microsoft phases out support for Netscape 4, so there
NO MICROSOFT WAY, Infinite Loop, Friday (NTN) — Microsoft is phasing out support for Netscape 4, in retaliation for Google declaring Internet Explorer 6 a "pustulent syphilitic drunken crack whore with no mates. And bad breath. Who smells funny." Google has given up bothering to support IE6 on its sites, directing the doubtless hideously [...]
Apple launches iPad for that time of iMonth
ST STEVE'S BASILICA, Cupertino, Wednesday (NTN) — Cult leader Steve Jobs has announced the iPad, a "revolutionary" advance in stylish personal hygiene with elegant design. The iPad has a 9.7in full-colour touchpad and wings. According to the box, you can watch movies, surf the internet, listen to music, view photos, read electronic books [...]
