‘Technology’ Archives
Spring clean: Google Search now part of Google Plus
MONOLITH VIEW, Silicone Valley, Thursday (NTN) — We’re in a new world of computing. You need "personal", "social" and "on the go". So "search" will "join the social" on Google Plus. We know Search has a devoted following who will be very sad to see it go. We’re sad too. There are two simple reasons for this: usage of Google Plus [...]
Google opens first retail store
COURT ROAD, Tottenham, Friday (NTN) — Internet advertising agency Google is opening its first retail store, selling the Internet-only Chromebook. "We've put a lot of effort into making it feel welcoming, homely and, dare I say it, 'Googley'," said Arvind Desikan, head of consumer marketing. The revolutionary shopping experience leverages [...]
Bing Minus to “cut off Facebook’s air supply”
YESLER WAY, Seattle, Saturday (MSBBC) — Microsoft today stealth-released its new social network, Bing Minus, automatically adding every person in the world still using Internet Explorer, such as your mother. The Bing Minus software was distributed Friday morning in an automatic urgent mandatory critical Windows security update. It will [...]
Authorities definitely closing in on LulzSec
DRAMATICA, Wackyleeks, Wednesday (textfiles.com) — The noose is tightening on LulzSec, oh yes it is, with a red-handed capture nearly almost imminent, said FBI Media Liaison today, and don't you worry about that. The drug-running terrorist paedophile probably-Chinese-government members of LulzSec have used their horrifying and "l33t" [...]
Bitcoin to revolutionise the economy
Bitcoin is a decentralised computer currency designed by self-righteous Ayn Rand-reading nerds who despise looters and parasites like, er, you. It is used to purchase Internet services, illegal drugs and pictures of naked women holding video cards. Bitcoin works by an emergent synergy of cryptography, peer-to-peer, anonymity, anarchism, [...]
Actual jail time for being blithering idiot on Internet
CYBERPRION, Arsebook, September (times.co.uk) — The much-maligned British justice system was lauded the world over today as someone was actually jailed for being a drooling lackwit on the Internet. Gene pool blight Joanne Fraill admitted researching the defendant she was trying as a juror, contacting the defendant during the case and [...]
UK plans cyber-weapons programme
HEY HEY 16K, R: Tape Loading Error, Thursday (NTK) — GCHQ has begun work on a range of uniquely British cyber-weapons to add to Britain's defensive capability. "Cyber-Space," said General Jonathan Shaw, pronouncing the hyphen between the words, "represents conflict without borders. But we can use the finest of British technical pluck to [...]
Religions stimulate “Apple-like” reactions in brain
ONE INFINITE LOOP, Purgatory, Wednesday (NTN) — Neuroscientists have found that religious fervour lights up the same parts of the brain as waiting in line for your devotions at the Apple Store. The scientists were interviewed by a BBC programme exploring the fantastically lucrative and popular brands springing up around the supernatural. [...]
RIM makes BlackBerry that can’t read email
CATHEDRAL AND BIZARRE, Waterloo, Monday (NTN) — Research in Motion have broken new barriers with the PlayBook tablet, a BlackBerry that can't read email. And needs to be tethered to a phone. "We feel a technology preview is just the thing we need to fight iPhone and Android in the consumer market," said founder and co-CEO Mike Lazaridis. [...]
Microsoft opens crowdsourced legal site “CrockLaw”
O'GARA UFO FIELD, Armonk, Monday (NTN) — With the final humiliation of the SCO Group and the retirement of Pamela Jones from Groklaw, Microsoft has stepped in with sponsorship to fill "a much-needed gap." CrockLaw will be "a place where lawyers and geeks could explain things to each other and work together, so they'd understand each [...]
