‘Sport’ Archives
Cyber terrorism identified as major excuse for Olympics
MISSILE COMMAND, South Bank, Monday (NTN) — A new generation of sophisticated "cyber terrorists" are to be blamed for the imminent failure of the London 2012 Olympics. Although the Coalition's National Security Strategy identifies climate change, population growth, the rise of al-Qaeda and the return of Northern Ireland-based terrorism as [...]
England beats the colonies for once, really it does
LARDS, Motley Cricket Club, Tuesday (NTN) — The cricket world has been rocked by suggestions that Pakistan may have deliberately thrown games and England might not actually be the geniuses of sport they consider themselves. England captain Stuart Broad stoutly maintained that England's victories had been every bit as much of a sporting [...]
Neo-Nazis protest co-option of English flag by football fans
BORE CONSTRICTOR, Vulvalezza, Monday (NTN) — White nationalist activists have come forth in record numbers (ten or so) to sternly protest the usurpation of the flag of St George by football fans. "Our noble emblem and gathering point has been stolen," said racially-aware activist Nick Tyndale, "by Zionist World Cup marketers, suburban [...]
Watford Council saves children from parents
CRAPLAND, M25, Thursday (NNN) — Watford Council has barred access to two adventure playgrounds to parents, in order to protect their own children from them. Despite being widely publicised in the Daily Mail, it turned out the story was in fact accurate. "We have made sure all children are under the care of qualified CRB checked and legit [...]
Our boy Murray shows Johnny Foreigner “what-for” at French Open
EUROTRASH, Antoine de Caunes, Tuesday (NNN) — The great Scottish British English tennis ace Andy Murray stunned observers with his brilliant moral victory over the Spaniard Chilean Fernando González at the French Open in Roland Garres on Tuesday afternoon, showing these people-who-begin-at-Calais what-for and romping home with one [...]
