‘Religion’ Archives
Y2012 problem: Mayan calendar runs out
FINDHORN, Astral Plane, Age of Aquarius (NNN) — The New Age spiritually aware around the world are running up against the end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar. Mayan date 12.19.19.17.19 will occur on December 20, 2012, followed by the start of the fourteenth cycle, 13.0.0.0.0, on December 21st. The event was first flagged by megalith [...]
Church of Susan Boyle banned from Wikipedia
WIKIALITY, Clearwater, Saturday (NNN) — In an unprecedented move, top-ten social networking site Wikipedia has banned Susanboylists from editing the encyclopedia and claiming Susan Boyle had won Britain's Got Talent instead of dance troupe Diversity. At a hearing at Wikipedia's Supreme Court on Saturday, hanging judges voted unanimously in [...]
Major Christian Party push for European Parliament
INTERNATIONAL FRONT, Little Britain, 4th June (NNN) — The forthcoming European Parliament elections have been shaken up by the push from the Christian Party, with their simple and direct platform: "Never mind who we are, what we plan or who our backers are — we're not the BNP!" British National Party supporters have been keen to post [...]
Hospital worker in crucifix row
GALILEE-ON-SEVERN, Gloucester, Friday (NNN) — A worker at Gloucester Royal Hospital risks losing her job over wearing a crucifix at work. Phlebotomist Helen Slatter was told the cross "could harbour infection," spread disease or even be used as a weapon. Ms Slatter said the crucifix, which is twelve feet high and weighs 150 pounds, was too [...]
Banks fail Scientology “stress test”
REHABILITATION PROJECT FORCE, Hemet Gold Base, Friday (NNN) — Ten of America's largest 19 banks have failed the stringent economic "stress tests" based on the teachings of Dianetics. Senior investigators from the Office of the Treasury ("Big OTs") found that, considered as thetans, the banks were too weighed down with engrams, from this and [...]
Vatican to build power plant running on guilt
BOLGIAS 8 AND 9, Rome, Monday (NNN) — The Vatican intends to build the biggest renewable energy plant in Europe, running solely on guilt. "Now is the time to strike," said Cardinal Giovanni Lajolo, governor of Vatican City. "The financial crisis has unleashed huge and renewable sources of guilt, which in the long run will reap incomparable [...]
Catholics fear schools could be forced to be tolerant
SODOM, London W1, Monday (NNN) — Catholic schools fear being forced to promote Islam and homosexuality under a new legally-binding code of conduct for teachers. Catholic leaders say Church teachings prevent it from allowing its parishioners to treat homosexuals as if they were human. "Next they'll be stopping us from taking the kids hunting [...]
Female bishops set to utterly destroy the Church of England in 2014
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN ON EARTH, Dibley, Thursday (NNN) — The Church of England General Synod is preparing rules to appoint women as bishops. Traditionalists and Anglo-Catholics were "bruised and angry" at the move. "Next they'll reveal Jesus was a woman," said the Rev Canon Simon Killwick. "A gay one! Or Jewish! Or not white and blue-eyed! Dogs [...]
50% of Britons don’t believe in evolution, and it doesn’t believe in them
DO-AS-YOU-PLEASE, Faraway Tree, Sunday (NNN) — Half of British adults do not believe in evolution, with at least 22% preferring the theories of creationism or intelligent design and 10% believing in young Earth creationism, according to a survey by religious thinktank Theos. Coincidentally, 35% of these respondents were found to have [...]
Merry Thursday and a happy new Thursday
Self-rest ye merry atheists Let nothing you dismay There is no evidence that Christ Was born on Christmas day So save us all from unreason When we were gone astray O tidings of reason and fact Reason and fact O tidings of reason and fact In Bethlehem, in Israel, They're shooting it out still Over who the imagined friend Likes best [...]
