‘Media’ Archives
Terry Jones burns Times paywall at Ground Zero
DESOLATION BOULEVARDE, Whopping, Friday (Mediocre Grauniad) — Terry Jones has called off his plans to burn a copy of The Times at Ground Zero tomorrow, after the paywall caught alight for half an hour on Friday afternoon. Jones had planned to burn The Times because, he claimed, Rupert Murdoch would not rest until he had paywalled all of [...]
Journalists back to core competencies as house prices do something
HIGH SOCIETY, Skid Row, Friday (NTN) — British house prices are set to go up, go down or possibly stay the same, according to relieved Daily Mail journalists looking for something to fill space with. A quarterly survey of 27 analysts showed house prices would probably do something that could be turned into copy, with editors dusting off [...]
Times prepares to shake off parasites
DAS BUNKER, Whopping, Tuesday (Mediocre Grauniad) — The Times has previewed its new paywall system, to keep readers, search engines and other criminals from using it to download cars, to the sound of champagne corks popping at the Guardian, Telegraph and BBC. The newspaper will now require payment of £1 a day for its unique and [...]
Your super soaraway NewsTechnica cut-out-and-paste election guide!
Reasons to vote Conservative: Replacing public services with volunteers and churches is necessary to inspire a new Charles Dickens. Reasons to vote Labour: Top-down central planning of society works and is effective. Reasons to vote Liberal Democrat: Everyone is middle-class now, they just don't know it yet. Reasons to vote Green: Science [...]
Nick Clegg dossier reveals his Martian roots
DAS BUNKER, Whopping, Tuesday (MSBBC) — Your Super Soaraway SUN has found the blueprint for Nick Clegg's top-secret TV debate strategy in the back of a CAB, revealing he is a MARTIAN INVADER. It reveals the Lib Dem leader STOLE DNA from David Cameron to DUPLICATE his style and cover Britain in a ROBOT ARMY OF CLEGGS, with BlackBerrys to [...]
Wacky journalistic scamps amuse all
EVERY DAY IS LIKE FRIDAY, The Pub, Thursday (NTN) — Journalists across Britain and the world excelled themselves with initially-plausible but unbelievable spoof stories today, including ones where Gordon Brown was prime minister. The hilarious tales of improbable mirth have included all manner of jocular punchlines: "The Tories are [...]
BBC Trust happy to leave Mark Thompson twisting in the wind
WREATH NETWORK, Television Outskirts, Wednesday (MSBBC) — BBC Trust chairman Sir Michael Lyons has said "public concern" over 6 Music and the Asian Network may give the Trust a golden opportunity to throw director general Mark Thompson under a bus. Plans to close the stations, available via download, DAB Radio, tooth fillings, necromancy [...]
Daily Mail causes, cures cancer
GOLDACRE, Moron Piers, Thursday (NTN) — Taking the Daily Mail once a day, one million times the dose recommended by sensible physicians, will both induce and clear up cancer, a groundbreaking study by the Press Complaints Council has shown. The latest dramatic results came from a 30-year project tracking the health of 2.2 million [...]
Twitter users urged to stay calm during Fry drought
DAILY SMSGRAPH, King's Lynn, Saturday (NTN) — The international press has urged Twitter users to "keep calm and carry on" during Stephen Fry's break from the service to write his autobiography. The 52-year-old author, television presenter, wit, bon vivant, cheese board, Swiss army knife, well-stocked cellar and ineffable genius's break [...]
Microsoft in exclusive search-engine deal with Murdoch
PIONEER SQUARE, Seattle, Monday (Mediocre Grauniad) — Microsoft is discussing paying News Corporation for the media company to remove its websites from Google and have them exclusively searchable via Microsoft Bob Hope, setting the scene for a search engine battle that could offer a ray of light to the newspaper industry, which has yet to [...]
