‘Health’ Archives
Organ donation hallmark of a “caring City”
SOYLENT GREY, London EC1, Monday (NNN) — The Organ Donation Taskforce has delivered its report to the Department of Health, recommending presumed consent and an opt-out system for organ donations, particularly from surplus bankers. The "Banks for Banks" initiative was launched with tremendous fanfare today as a group of newly-redundant [...]
Brown distracts with Internet child safety watchdog
SECURITY EIGHTPLEX, Whitehall Odeon, Monday (NNN) — Prime Minister Gordon Brown has hailed the launch of the UK Council for Child Internet Safety as a "path-breaking" new diversion designed to protect the most vulnerable members of society: "The politicians." He said, "The internet provides a world of entertainment, of opportunity and [...]
Genetically modified food is a “taste sensation”
THE LAB, Borg Cube, Tuesday (NotScientist) — Dedicated Monsanto geneticists, working for the good of humanity and a badly-written space filler in the newspapers, have produced a fabulous array of valuable new cash crops with 100% all-natural artificial flavors that developing countries can grow to pay the interest on their ludicrous debts to [...]
New breast cancer hope for journalism
PAGE 3, Wapping, Saturday (Norks News Network) — A new breast cancer treatment has led to new hope for newspaper proprietors being able to run more pictures of topless women with one hand over their breasts. The story follows mere days after earlier stories concerning red meat, carbohydrates, drinking, high levels of daily stress and [...]
