‘Entertainment’ Archives
Television essential to mental well-being
CHANNEL 5, Wapping, Friday (NNN) — New findings printed today in all papers and broadcast on ITV, Channel 4 and Channel 5 reveal that television is "virtually a mental vitamin" for intelligence and emotional well-being. In addition, it helps treat arrhythmia, psoriasis, tooth decay, distemper, dropsy, haemorrhoids and impotence, and lets you [...]
Affair in “First Life” leads to virtual divorce
ALPHAVILLE, Linden, Thursday (NNGadget) — For its many devotees, First Life, the Massively Multiplayer Offline Reality Playing Game, is a place where the everyday constraints of online life drop away and vivid activities can be played out. But fact and fiction have collided in heartbreaking fashion for a British couple who are divorcing [...]
Barely legal teens in danger of Glitter beat
PAGE 3, Channel 5, Sunday (NNN) — Middle England was outraged today when, in the wake of the abuse of Georgina Baillie by ruthless BBC broadcasters, it was revealed that Gary Glitter's 1970s hit "Thank Heaven For Young Women With Photographic Identification Certifying They Are Of Legal Age" was on a list of "related listening" for GCSE [...]
“Sex on the job” policeman blames video games, TV
MANCHESTER, San Andreas, Friday (NNN) — Police constable Gary Bayldon, 48, who admitted having sex with one woman while on duty and propositioning another after she had been arrested, blamed the influence of the Grand Theft Auto video game series and the BBC TV show Life On Mars for corrupting his mind. Bayldon had a poster of Gene Hunt [...]
Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand collide with delayed journalistic August
TELEVISION CENTRE, W12, Tuesday (NNN) — National outrage was sparked by a moment's idiocy on the part of Jonathan Woss and Wussell Bwand a few weeks ago when the newspapers ran out of stories about Big Brother contestants, skateboarding ducks and what your breasts mean to fill the spaces between pronouncements of economic doom. The incident [...]
Taliban shoots at Ant & Dec, misses
PHONING IT IN, Helmand, Monday (N! News) — Television novelty gnomes Ant and Dec have survived a Taliban rocket attack at Kandahar airfield in Afghanistan. "They were shouting something in Afghan," said Declan Ant, "about a phone bill from calling into a show. No idea what they were talking about." The duo had been sent to cheer up the [...]
Sony-Ericsson, Nokia unveil unlimited music services
DAS BUNKER, British Phonographic Industry, Wednesday (NNGadget) — Sony-Ericsson has announced PlayNow Plus, a new plan for unlimited "DRM-free" music downloads on phones. "Pay, er, PlayNow Plus is completely unlimited, covers all major labels, no DRM, get all you want any time you like," said spokesdrone Mobile Salestwat. "This is the [...]
Famous person’s son in jail
OUT WITH THE CHAPS, Hooray Club, Sunday (NNN) — Otis Ferry, son of singer Bryan Ferry, has been refused bail on charges of robbery, assault, perverting the course of justice and being an arrogant over-monied young twat. His mother, former model Lucy Helmore, was worried that he was "without any clean socks and shirts" in prison, and that he [...]
Apple declares: “OK, we’re evil”
CUPERTINO, Transylvania, Friday — After bricking unlocked iPhones, kicking applications off the iPhone store that might even slightly compete with iTunes in the far future and filing a wave of patents on basic well-known computer science, Apple Inc. today filed a Form 8-K with the Securities and Exchange Commission declaring that it was [...]
iTunes breaks Vista: Linux to blame
BODDY MANSION, Hill House, Thursday (NNGadget) — iTunes 8, released with the new iPods on Tuesday, causes Blue Screens of Death on Windows Vista. Apple and Microsoft enthusiasts quickly fell to heated message board discussion of which company was to blame — but equally quickly fingered the culprit. "It's Linux. Gotta be," said Xbox [...]
