‘Entertainment’ Archives
J. K. Rowling decides “richer than Queen” not enough, aims for “Sultan of Brunei” level
ORTHOGON ALLEY, Mammon Managed, Friday (fanfiction.net) — J. K. Rowling is further repackaging the dribbling arse of the Harry Potter series, in evident disbelief of old sayings about blood and stones. The final film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Lack of Further Books, is being released shortly. Rowling has carefully assembled a package [...]
Pink Floyd sell actual bottom of barrel with scrapings
TIME, Dark side of the moan, Wednesday (N! News) — Both remaining members of Pink Floyd have announced the launch of the "Why Pink Floyd?" reissue campaign, wherein literally every tape containing a detectable grunt or squeak is pressed onto CD, SACD and 5.1-channel DVD-audio. "This is the last chance for really nice packaging," said [...]
Super-injunctions “your best publicity value”
WEB 0.1, Cyberspice, Monday (NTN) — Several tedious Z-list celebrities have demanded Twitter user @injunctionsuper post details of their tawdry and squalid lives too. tweeted: "Rumur that I hv super-injunction preventing publication of 'intimate' photos of me n my bank account. NOT TRUE! Also, tits. FER FUXAKE PLS RT" The revelation [...]
Sony: It was Anonymous, honest guv
GUTEN TAG, Wii Gehts, Wednesday (NTN) — Sony has revealed that the Playstation Network security breach, which compromised 24.6 million credit cards, was entirely the work of evil hackers from Anonymous, and nothing to do with their own incompetence, honest. "We discovered a file making a clear reference to 'Username unknown,'" the company [...]
Mind-buggeringly useless expensive gadget delayed
HAMMERSMITH ODEOUS, Android Market, Friday (NTN) — The £500 LG Optimus 3D, the world's first 3D smartphone, has been delayed until June, possibly due to 3D on a phone being stupendously pointless rubbish that doesn't work. 3D technology has been the next big thing for only the last sixty years and is readily available on television, [...]
“Free books for everyone,” advertise publishers
KINDLING, The Amazon, Monday (NTN) — Internet eBook piracy is a "colossal" problem, the Publishers Association warned last night, thus alerting every Metro reader they never needed pay for a book again, having spent the last few years getting thoroughly used to having all their music and movies for free. The own-goal of giving superlative [...]
Time traveller spotted in 2010 YouTube video
REGAL ZONOPHONE, Pathé News, 1928 (NTN) — An alleged time traveller has been spotted not using a mobile telephone in a 2010 video on YouTube. The apparent time traveller, clad in a hat and coat, walks into frame appearing deep in conversation while holding nothing at all to her ear, thus showing her using sheer empty space for [...]
US military bans icky nasty game
SLIGHT INDISPOSITION STAR, Communal States of America, Saturday (NTN) — Medal of Honor, a popular video game that lets you play as the unAmerican team, has been banned from US military bases as "insensitive." After moral panics, including from UK Defense Secretary Liam Fotherington-Thomas — who issued official condemnation of the [...]
Plagiarism is not plagiarism, says plagiarist
LA CARTE, Le territoire, Wednesday (Le Monde Petit) — Michel Houellebecq has angrily denounced as "incompetents" anyone noticing that large chunks of his latest novel Messieurs, démarrez vos photocopieurs were directly lifted from Wikipedia. The book, published last week, was acclaimed as a "work of genius" by the newspaper [...]
Wikileaks reveals that Snape killed Dumbledore
WILD WEST END, Baker Street, Sunday (NTN) — The online encyclopedia Wikileaks stands accused of revealing the ending of The Mousetrap, recklessly endangering the income of Agatha Christie's descendants. "My grandmother always got upset if the plots of her books or plays were revealed in reviews," said Matthew Prichard, who personally put [...]
