‘Education’ Archives
World’s #4 website features “cunt” on front page
FUCK THE MILLENNIUM, Arsenal, Thursday (NNN) — Wikipedia, the world's fourth most popular website, has prominently featured the article "Gropecunt Lane," a mediæval English name for a town's prostitution district, on its front page today. "The article has been voted one of the two thousand best on Wikipedia," said Mark Pellegrini, the [...]
Students to finish degrees by “any means necessary”
REGISTRAR'S OFFICE, University of Bums on Seats, Wednesday (NNN) — The government is to set up an emergency fund to give students at risk of dropping out a chance to complete their degree online through the Open University. Those who wanted to do something substantive but who were close to failing will be redirected to more practically [...]
English acquires its millionth word: “bollocks”
GOSH, Well I never, Thursday (NNN) — English has now acquired its millionth word, "bollocks," according to Global Language Monitor, a website monitoring the extraordinary emergence of new English throughout the world. "The Million Word milestone brings to notice the coming of age of English as the first truly global language," said Paul [...]
Convenient database of all children launched
CLIMBIÉ, Hackney, Tuesday (NNN) — ContactPoint, a detailed database of all 11 million children under 18 in England, has become available to childcare professionals for the first time and definitely not to anyone else. The government says it will enable more co-ordinated services for children and ensure none slips through the net. [...]
Wolfram Alpha is no iPhone killer
ZDNET, Mediocre Grauniad, Saturday (NNGadget) — I've been using Wolfram Alpha, the new web encyclopedia social search networking mathematics engine, for almost ten minutes now. And I can tell you — despite fears it would create a black hole when switched on, ending all life on earth, it's no iPhone killer. It's good, to be sure, and [...]
RT@Ofsted: “Primary schools to teach Twitter and Wikipedia”
THE MEMORY HOLE, Jim Callaghan Primary, Wednesday (NNN) — Primary school pupils should learn how to blog and use internet sites like Twitter and Wikipedia and spend less time studying history, says a review of the primary school curriculum in England by Sir Jim Rose of Ofsted. Students will also be required to familiarise themselves with [...]
Catholics fear schools could be forced to be tolerant
SODOM, London W1, Monday (NNN) — Catholic schools fear being forced to promote Islam and homosexuality under a new legally-binding code of conduct for teachers. Catholic leaders say Church teachings prevent it from allowing its parishioners to treat homosexuals as if they were human. "Next they'll be stopping us from taking the kids hunting [...]
50% of Britons don’t believe in evolution, and it doesn’t believe in them
DO-AS-YOU-PLEASE, Faraway Tree, Sunday (NNN) — Half of British adults do not believe in evolution, with at least 22% preferring the theories of creationism or intelligent design and 10% believing in young Earth creationism, according to a survey by religious thinktank Theos. Coincidentally, 35% of these respondents were found to have [...]
Wikipedia and Britannica swap operating models
WIKIALITY, San Francisco, Monday (NNN) — The online user-generated social networking site Wikipedia and the venerable Encyclopædia Britannica are both considering radical changes in how they are run. Wikipedia is proposing a software change that would see revisions on some articles being approved before they went live on the site. [...]
Minister rubbishes dyslexia to get headlines
BACKBENCH RUFFIANS, Madchester, Wednesday (NNN) — MP Graham Stringer has claimed that dyslexia "does not exist" and is merely a "cruel fiction" to cover up poor teaching. "I am not, for one minute, implying that all functionally illiterate people take drugs and engage in illegal activities," he said, "but the value of stringing 'em all up [...]
