J. K. Rowling decides “richer than Queen” not enough, aims for “Sultan of Brunei” level

ORTHOGON ALLEY, Mammon Managed, Friday (fanfiction.net) — J. K. Rowling is further repackaging the dribbling arse of the Harry Potter series, in evident disbelief of old sayings about blood and stones.

Snape is not impressedThe final film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Lack of Further Books, is being released shortly. Rowling has carefully assembled a package to get free publicity out of the newspapers for the new project, Harry Potter and the Wallet Vampire.

Initial fan predictions for the new project, based on absolutely no actual information whatsoever, included a Potter encyclopedia, an online role-playing game, a “giant theme park”, a dessert wax and a floor topping. “Definitely the floor wax,” said Essex housewife and fan fiction author Luna Hypatia Grainger-Potter (née Tracey Clegg), 43, of Sheppey.

The new series will be created with the assistance of editorially-respected science fiction ghostwriter Kevin J. Anderson, author of The Many-Coloured Dune, Dune Skywalker, Klingons of Dune, Dunentology and Dunanetics, The Dunehiker’s Guide to the Dunacy and Remembrance Of Dunes Past/In Search of Lost Dune.

“Kevin taught me everything,” said Rowling. “Did you know you can outsource the writing bit to India now?”

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